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“Thank you.” He looked relieved to see that she did not think less of him. “And I think you are a very brave Englishwoman, as I’ve already told you. After the reception you received, you could have washed your hands of Bryn Glas and gone back to the safety of your English home.”

Safety, yes—and solitude.

Here, at least, she felt she could be useful. And thanks to Cadell’s help, for the first time since she’d arrived, she felt hopeful that she would be able to honor the role she had been born to fulfill. The least she could do to thank him for all he’d done for her was tell him what he wanted to know.

“As to your earlier question, I owe my looks to my grandfather, a man I never met and only ever heard discussed once, by accident.”

Though she could tell Cadell was intrigued by her declaration, he didn’t press her for more information. But Johanna would not stop now. She would tell him about what she had discovered aged fifteen, during a rare visit to her grandmother, a woman who had never shown her or her mother any affection. Unsurprisingly, Johanna had never warmed toward her either. But what she had overheard that day had turned everything on its head. It had been so shocking that she had never dared to share the information with anyone, much less her brothers, who would have been horrified. Though they were aware that their mother, with her dark eyes, dark hair and dark skin, could not entirely be of English blood, they had always refused to even allude to their possible foreign ancestry.

Telling them that she had the proof that they were not really Sir Edmund de Burgh’s grandchildren would have sent them into a dark rage.

“When old King Edward came back from the Holy Land fifty years ago, he brought with him a few mercenaries and sailors from, amongst other places, an island called Cyprus. Many were men from even more distant lands who had converted and jumped at the chance of living in a Christian country.”

“Yes. My grandfather, Dafydd, was part of the king’s expedition and he told me about such men,” Cadell said, taking her by surprise. She had not expected to hear that his own ancestors had been to the Holy Land. “A few even made it all the way here to Wales.”

“Well, from what I can gather, one of these sailors seduced my grandmother, who was in her fourth decade at the time, and married to a man who made her deeply unhappy. When my mother was born in ’75, it was clear from her coloring that she could not be of her supposed father’s loins. You can imagine his reaction and the scandal that ensued.”

Cadell inhaled sharply. “Yes.”

Johanna closed her eyes. The day she had heard her grandmother talk about the man who had allowed her, for a brief moment, to feel desired, she had been shocked. The woman she’d always seen as stern and unyielding had broken her marriage vows for a mere sailor? It seemed unbelievable.

Once the shock had passed, however, she had been glad of the revelation, which allowed her to see Sir Edmund’s wife in a more human light. And though she had not dared admit as much to anyone, Johanna had secretly been proud to be a child of passion. But she had never told her mother or anyone that she knew the truth. It would only have led to further trouble. Still, she had been glad to find out why her grandmother was such a bitter woman, unable to love her own daughter and granddaughter. With their darker coloring, the two women reminded her of her past failings.

The only person Johanna had ever confided in had been Rhun. A few months after their wedding, she had told him about what she had discovered that day. Unsurprisingly, he had been delighted to hear that she was not as English as she should be and that night he had made love to her with breathtaking passion.

“I wish I’d had the courage to ask my grandmother about the man she had desired enough to risk her husband’s ire,” Johanna said, shaking her head. “It is too late now but I wish I knew what happened to my real grandfather. Did he find happiness in his new country? Did he ever find out about my mother?”

“I hope he did. And I’m glad he was persuasive enough to woo the mighty lady, otherwise you wouldn’t exist.”

This comment wrenched a smile from Johanna. Not only did Cadell make her laugh, but he had a knack for making her feel special. Was that what her grandmother had felt in her sailor lover’s arms? Desirable and special? If that was the case it was no wonder she had succumbed. It was the best feeling in the world.

At that moment, Leonard, the cart driver, called out to her. “My lady, forgive me, but young Richard would like a word with you, if you have a moment.”

Ever so helpful and understanding, Cadell brought his horse to a halt and nodded to her. “Go. I will lead Blossom while you talk to him.”

Johanna dismounted and walked over to the back of the cart. There she accepted Blethyn’s hand to hoist herself up into the vehicle. Surrounded by the five servants, Richard was lying down on a pallet that seemed just as comfortable as the one she’d had made for her in the solar.

“You wanted to talk to me?” she asked him as the cart started rolling again.

“Yes. I beg your pardon for asking this, my lady, but before we arrive at Bryn Glas, I need to know… There is something I…” Instead of finishing his sentence, he closed his eyes and brushed his injured left cheek. The cuts were no longer bleeding and they had not required any stitches but they still looked red raw. “As a woman, do you think me too hideous? Would you consider spending the rest of your life looking at this? Looking at…me?”

Johanna’s chest tightened. The poor man was worried Efa would take one look at him and run, unable to bear the sight of him.

She took his hands in hers, doing her best to appear reassuring. “I do not think you look hideous at all. Your injuries are nothing but the proof that you honored your promise to the woman you love and came back as soon as you could, once you had put your old life in order, braving a dangerous trip alone across two countries just to be reunited with her. Efa told us that she loved you. I am sure that every time she looks at you she will be reminded of what you suffered for her. This,” she said, brushing a light finger over the cut stretching across his cheek, “is a proof of love. And love is beautiful.”

She hoped she was right in trusting that Efa would welcome him back with open arms. She didn’t really know the maid, but she didn’t think she would shun the father of her child because he’d been hurt. There had been no mistaking the love in the girl’s eyes when she had talked about her English lover. Simply the fact that she had been ready to face her mother’s ire to stand by him was telling.

“Thank you, my lady.” Richard appeared somewhat reassured. “In any case, there is no other option but to go and see her.”

Yes. Anything would be better than uncertainty. “Give her and yourself a chance.”

“I will. Also, if I may…

“Of course.”

“Blethyn has been explaining why he and his wife, as well as the young groom and the two other men, are going to Bryn Glas. If you could find me a position at the castle, I swear to be loyal to you and help the others behave as they should, though, of course, I am English myself and unsure of the reception I will get. But I hope the fact that I sincerely love Efa, even though we cannot really communicate at the moment, will convince them that I can be trusted.”

He started to worry the hem of his tunic, as if concerned of sounding too presumptuous. But Johanna found his honesty touching.