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“We just touched. He didn’t put his peter inside me, if that’s what you’re worried about, even though I wanted him to.” So much. But he was right. They couldn’t.
“His ‘peter’?” Millie doubled over the steering wheel in laughter. “Oh sweetie. Please call it a ‘cock.’ I don’t think I can take it if you keep calling it a ‘peter.’”
“Cock” was another word that Constance had never dared to utter aloud. “I don’t know if I can. I might die of embarrassment.”
“You won’t die. Try it. I dare you.”
Constance looked out at the surrounding cars stuck in crosstown traffic. They couldn’t hear her, right? It was just a word. She could manage this. “He touched my…umm…honeypot, and I touched his… Oh, good heavens. Am I really going to say this?” She took a deep breath and forged ahead. “I touched his cock, and we gave each other orgasms.”
She bent over and buried her face in her hands after saying it. For heaven’s sake, she was a preacher’s daughter! She wasn’t supposed to use language like this. But it was so freeing.
Millie patted her back, still chuckling. “There, there. You did it. Was that so hard?”
Sitting up, Constance nodded earnestly, making Millie laugh even more.
“You’ll be fine. But we still need to talk about safety.” Sobering her expression, she stole a glance at Constance. “It sounds like the two of you held back and didn’t do anything risky, but if you can’t resist, there are things you can do to avoid a baby. He can use a condom—that’s a wrapper that covers his cock and catches what comes out. Or you can use a diaphragm. That’s a rubber disc you put inside you to keep anything from getting through. I have a discreet doctor who can fit you with one if you want. My friend Rory referred me to him. Ernie and I want to have kids eventually, but not just yet.”
This was so much to absorb, and Constance had to fan herself, despite the morning chill.
“Ah. We’re at the ferry.” Millie pulled into the line of cars to board. “I guess we’ll have to stop talking about sex now. But if you ever have any questions and need someone to talk to, just let me know. I’m here for you.” Putting the car in neutral, she turned to Constance, putting her hand on hers. “And I’m happy for you. Really, I am. I’ve been watching you two dance around each other for ages. I’m glad you both finally came to your senses.”
Was it that obvious? Everyone but them seemed to know. But even if it had taken them ages, she was thrilled it had happened. “So am I.”
A ferry man guided Millie to a parking spot on the lower deck, and she and Constance got out and headed for the main cabin.
They found seats together by the window and settled in to watch the Hudson River go by.
“Did you manage to talk with him at all during all this, or were you too busy with other things?” Millie’s question was perfectly tame on the surface, but it still made Constance’s cheeks heat.
“Yes, we talked. He’s had feelings for me a lot longer than I realized. He said it goes back years. All this time I thought my feelings were one-sided and that he didn’t even notice me.” She almost told Millie about the carousel ring but decided not to. It was too private, and she wanted to keep that memory just between her and Jack.
“You two must be the most oblivious people I have ever met. It was painfully obvious to me that you belonged together. By the way, I’m so glad you aren’t marrying Doug. Sweet guy, but he’s about as exciting as a slice of soggy bread.”
Poor Doug. She hadn’t meant to string him along, but it was clear now that they were never meant to be. “I thought I was doing the right thing. He was a sensible match for me. And I’m still terrified I’m going to pick up a call one day at work and hear that Jack’s gone down. Or Ernie. Or…or even you. I don’t know how you do it. My heart is in my throat every time I say goodbye. What if I let myself fall and then I lose him?”
Millie put an arm around her shoulder and hugged her from the side. “I’d say it’s already a little late for that. Wouldn’t you?”
She swallowed hard. Playing it safe wasn’t an option anymore. It was too late. “You’re right. I just worry so much about all of you.”
For a long moment, Millie was quiet, staring down at her hands. At last, she looked up. “I understand. Believe me I do. There’s been more than one occasion when Ernie had trouble on a flight, and I feared the worst. The first time it happened was right after we started seeing each other. I’ve never been so scared in my life.”
He had? Ernie never told his family. He must have wanted to protect them from worrying about him. “It’s hard to imagine you scared. You’re so brave about everything.”
Millie chuckled. “Oh, I’m happy to risk my own neck doing crazy stunts. But watching someone I love take risks… That’s a whole other kettle of fish.” She turned on the bench to face Constance. “I know it’s terrifying, and I understand why you wanted to choose a safer path. But the heart wants what it wants. Trust yourself. Trust him. You’ll find your way.”
Wishing she had Millie’s confidence, she nodded. “I’m sure you’re right.”
Millie snapped her fingers. “You know who you should talk to? Ann O’Donnell. Do you know her?”
“We’ve met a few times at social occasions, but I’ve never really talked to her.” Ann O’Donnell was the opposite of her husband, Bill, in every way. Where Bill was gregarious and always joking, his wife was reserved and serious almost to a fault, though her adoration for Bill couldn’t have been more obvious. “Doesn’t she work for the Pilots’ Benevolent Association now?”
“She does. Rory hired her as secretary.”
Constance had heard stories from Ernie about the lavish galas Rory Belmont put on every year for the organization. Maybe this year, she’d get an invitation, since she was working for the airmail. She’d never been to a society event, and it sounded like so much fun! But… “Why do you want me to talk to Mrs. O’Donnell?”
“I don’t know if you know, but she was a war widow before she married Bill. Her husband was a combat pilot, and she lost him six months after they got married, while she was expecting a child. That woman went through hell, but somehow she managed to be brave enough to fall in love again and marry another pilot. I know you fear the worst, but she’s actually been through it. I think it might help you to hear her perspective.”
Constance nodded slowly. “I think it would. Thank you. I’ll talk to Bill about introducing me.”