Page 44

CORDELIA

I gasped as I came fully awake. My alarm was going off, and I grabbed my phone from the floor to fling it across the room with a curse. Silence descended, and I doubled over, my chest feeling like it had been torn wide open. Another night of dreamless sleep. Another night without my Prince.

Except that wasn’t right because I did dream. Of our meadow, dead and crumbling. Of a night sky with neither moon nor stars. Of running, screaming, searching for him, until I couldn’t breathe anymore.

How could I miss someone so much when they didn’t even exist?

Didn’t he, though? Maybe not in the waking world, but he was real in my head and in my heart. In the beginning, I would fantasize that he was out there somewhere, dreaming of me too. Now I prayed to any god who would listen that it wasn’t true. The nightmarish vision of his suffering would haunt me the rest of my life.

The bathroom door flew open at the sound of my phone hitting the wall, and I stifled a scream. The fog of my bad mood was so thick that I’d managed to forget about my overnight guest. He stood there now, muscles coiled and ready to beat down the threat. If only he could.

“Kulta, what’s wrong?” He sat back on the futon, frame creaking under his weight, and scooped me into his arms.

“Just a bad dream,” I sighed. He held me while I nuzzled into the soft shirt that he’d put back on. If his crisp, wintery scent clung to my blanket like it did to his tee, I was never washing it again. His big hand was warm as it stroked over my tangled hair, and the knot in my chest loosened a little, but the ache was still there like a splinter.

I pulled away and got to my feet, scrubbing at my eyes. “Did you sleep okay? Do you want some tea? Sorry, I don’t have coffee.” I distracted myself with my morning routine, starting the kettle and feeding Orion. All the while, I could feel Rami’s gaze following me. I was filling my steeping ball when two thick arms wrapped around me from behind.

“It was the best sleep I ever had,” he said, the words low and husky. He turned me to face him and lifted me right up to sit on the counter. It put us closer to the same level, and he moved into the space between my legs.

“I doubt that.” My protest was weak, heart hammering behind my ribs.

Rami’s hands wrapped around my bare thighs, fingertips reaching just under the hem of my shorts as he gently squeezed. “You shouldn’t.” Then he produced my phone. The screen was cracked.

I groaned and took it from him, marginally relieved that it wasn’t completely dead. “Really not how I imagined my day starting.” I set the phone to the side and thunked my skull back against the cupboard.

Rami made an unhappy sound as he took my head, bracing it between his careful hands and forcing me to look at him. “What’s this really about?”

“I just…” My vision of him turned watery, and I dropped my gaze. “I thought I knew what my life was about. Obviously it wasn’t perfect, but I had my rules, and they kept everyone safe. Now—surprise!—there’s this family of wonderful, gorgeous men who got me to break all of them. These connections with you? These…heartstrings? Each one has stitched up a tear in my soul that I didn’t even realize was there. I can’t explain it, but I’m just waiting for it all to be ripped away. I’ll unravel when it does, Rami. I can’t go back to how things were.”

The heavy downpour of words tapered off. I hadn’t intended to put all that out there, but once I admitted my fear of losing everything, I actually felt lighter. My lungs hiccuped with a shaky inhale.

“Look at me.” Rami’s tone was thick, like he was choking on his own swell of emotions. I peered at him through my lashes, and the intensity of his gaze felt like electricity crackling over my nerves. “There are many things to be afraid of, but losing us is not one of them. Ever. Do you understand?”

I twitched my head in a nod, still cradled between his hands. His certainty was sincere, if not a little naive. After all, I knew firsthand that everything you loved could be gone in an instant, and sometimes there was nothing you could do about it. But I appreciated his assurance anyway. “Thank you.”

He leaned in, giving me a moment to object before pressing his lips to mine in a soft kiss. The world around us faded. His fingers slid into my hair, holding me with a possessive tenderness that ignited a spark and sent a shiver racing down my spine. I forgot about the chaos swirling in my mind, lost in the feeling of security that he brought.

His mouth moved, slow and deliberate, savoring every second. If I was learning anything, it was that Rami didn’t rush. He took his time to experience everything fully. To make sure I was never left wanting. When he pulled away, I was breathless and dazed in the best way.

“You’re really good at that,” I told him, feeling a little better and a lot turned on.

His lips curved into a soft smile, and he dropped one more kiss on the tip of my nose. “Only because it’s you, kulta.”

My jaw popped as I yawned with a complete disregard for ladylike behavior. I was still feeling out of sorts, and sheer exhaustion was settling in like a lead weight. Despite Rami’s pep talk, no matter how much I tried to convince myself otherwise, I couldn’t shake the dread that was winding around my heart like barbed wire.

Something was coming.

The guys could sense my dark mood. When Bellamy showed up at my apartment to trade places with Rami and walk me to work, they’d shared a look but didn’t press me. I wouldn’t have known what to say if they had. Even my magic felt edgy and distracted, and I found myself wishing I could have an actual conversation with it.

Her?

Whatever.

The library was quiet, and I was putting off shelving books again in favor of staring blankly out the window while my thoughts twisted and tangled. Bellamy sat at a table, giving me space but staying in my line of sight. He was flipping through magazines too fast to really be reading any of them, and I felt a little guilty that he was wasting his day here with me.

When I realized I hadn’t moved in two hours, I got up from my stool and stretched, gathering the thick fall of my hair into a messy bun on top of my head. It had been a few days since I had a morning yoga session, and I was definitely starting to feel it.

“Hey.”