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She hiccups a cry, and I cuddle her into me again, flinging my leg over hers. “I have no doubt you’ll be an amazing mum. And I cannot wait to be the best auntie to that baby.”
“Me? Strong? Says the girl drowning in blood that isn’t her own.” She chokes a laugh out and we both giggle.
A little bit of lightness in this utterly dark situation. One that is an endless abyss that I just cannot see the light inside.
“Thank you.” She sounds a little lighter now. “For being my friend. And I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you before. I don’t know what would’ve happened if you never came back.”
“No. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier.”
“You warned me, Jordie. But I didn’t listen. I really wanted to believe Dorrian and me had something special. I just had no idea this is what’s been lurking in this town.”
“Neither did we, Cass.”
“Where did you go? Five years ago, I really thought I’d never see you again.”
I sigh. I think I’m ready to speak about it. My abuser is gone; the only thing that’s left is this town, Heath, Dorrian, and Vivian. “It was a convent. A conversion camp of sorts. They have men there—husbands, they call them—and they train women to be the perfect wives. To sit there and take everything they’re given. To never talk back, to always be obedient. You don’t want to have sex? It doesn’t matter; your husband will take that from you.”
She’s quiet for a moment. “Dorrian wasn’t like that.”
She may have been naive to all of this, but I believe her when she says that. “It’s a mask. They’re all like that at the start.”
“Are you okay?”
My heart stops. No one has asked me that yet, at least, not after finding out where I’ve been. I begin slowly nodding, then quicker when I make up my mind. “I’m okay.” They may have broken me, but it only made me come out stronger. Jordie five years ago would never dream of stabbing a knife into someone… Now? I wish I could do it again.
And again.
We fall into a comfortable silence again.
“I love you,” she whispers, sniffling.
“I love you too.”
A door opens and shuts. I don’t know what the time is, but it’s Asher that’s on patrol next, so I can only guess Kain just entered the room. And judging by the shuffling, he’s getting into a sleeping bag.
Cassie drifted off long ago, and I tried to be her quiet comfort.
I untangle myself, making her stir to the other side and climb out of her sleeping bag, heading straight for mine and Kain’s.
His arms immediately tangle around me as he presses a kiss to my head.
No words need to be exchanged. Everything lies unspoken between us.
But… there’s one question that’s been gnawing at my thoughts. “Why did you let me hate you?”
He doesn’t hesitate with his answer. “Because at least that way you felt something for me. And if you felt something for me, it meant that you were still alive. You hadn’t given up yet.” His fingers run lazy circles on my back. “But mostly, selfishly, I needed you to feel something towards me.”
I look at him, the moon through the window lights up his features perfectly. His eyes are closed, chest moving steadily under my hand.
“Why do I feel like we’re on borrowed time?” I ask on a whisper.
He peels open one of his eyes, looking straight at me. “We’re not.”
His answer comes out more confident than I feel.
He gently clears his throat. “I heard what you said to Cassie.”
I swallow, shame creeping to my face, but I swear he knows because he squeezes me tighter.