Page 190

“No,” I say. “No, no, no, no.” I look down at where his hand is cradling his side. It’s covered in blood. It’s oozing at a speed I’ve never seen before.

Raw fear envelops me.

“No, no, no, Xander. Stay with me, baby, please.” His eyes are half open, and he’s barely breathing. “Somebody call the ambulance. Now!”

“Cam, we can’t—” Jac starts.

“The doctor is on his way—” That’s Ezra.

“How long has he been like this? How long does it take to get a fucking doctor?” I panic, tears uncontrollably rushing down my face. “Call. Now!” I demand. People start shuffling around us; I hear Nova muttering something in the background.

“Have I ever… told you… you look…” Xander coughs again. “Look good… c-covered in b-blood.”

A laugh escapes my sobs. My hand shakes as I smooth his hair back. “Don’t talk, baby. P-please.” My lip quivers.

It feels like my heart is cracking in my chest. Like those pieces that were carefully stitched back together are starting to burst again.

“Please t-ell me i-it was p-painful.” His eyes are barely open, but that little glimmer of blue that shines in his eyes whenever he looks at me is still visible.

“I chopped his dick off.”

We both laugh, for a moment of happiness, but it’s swiftly replaced by sadness again.

“A-angel,” he slurs. “I need… to tell you.” He takes in a wheezy breath. “I don’t deserve your tears. P-please don’t cry over me.” He manages to get his words out. They’re clearer but still slurred, as if he plucked up enough energy to tell me these words one last time. “Y-you… I never belonged to anyone b-before you. You were my beginning, middle, a-and now my end, too. T-thank you for a-accepting t-the only ver-version of love I could give you.”

He coughs up clots of blood.

“I’m s-so sorry I failed you. I’m s-sorry I couldn’t kill him. I’m sorry for everything.”

Sobs rack my body so hard that I can hardly see his face, hardly keep myself upright. “Please don’t say your goodbyes. Not yet.”

We haven’t had enough time. But that time is rapidly draining out of that wound in his ribs.

“Shh, just listen, Angel. I was never a good man. I’m still not. But I tried… God… For you, I tried. I’m s-sorry that I couldn’t protect you. I’m sorry I failed you.”

Ugly sobs break out of me.

“S-someone I knew once said that my obsessions would be my ruin. But if ruin meant loving you, then I would’ve let it ruin me a thousand times over.” He coughs, more blood spilling over my hand. “Can you do me a favour, Angel?”

“Anything. Anything. Just please don’t leave me.”

“Lie to me,” he wheezes.

“What?” I sob.

“T-tell me you love me.”

“I don’t need to lie, Xander. I think I loved you the moment we locked eyes in the club. I don’t think I knew it then, but I know now. Loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done,” I say between sobs and place a kiss to his lips, my tears mixing with his blood. His smile is weak, but he manages. His hand tries to reach up to my face, but he’s too weak. “Even if you destroyed my car,” I laugh.

Another laugh sounds from beside us. I whip my head over to the side, seeing a straight-faced, tear-streaked Penelope.

I can’t say I’m surprised.

But it’s not her who’s laughing.

“Shut the fuck up, Jenny,” Jac snarls.

I cast my attention to the woman sitting next to her—who looks like she might have been pretty at some point. But not anymore.