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Jacques glances over at me, fury etched into his face. I haven’t seen him smile once since Xander left.

“We will find him,” he mouths towards me.

Their voices trail off as my brain conjures up the worst that could’ve happened. Is he still even alive?

I rock back and forth on the chair, desperately trying to keep my tears from falling. Jacques keeps telling me we’ll find him, that he’s alive… But there’s never any certainty in his voice. There’s always the undertone of ‘I’m going to try to make you feel better, but really I’m just as nervous as you are.’

The one thing I wanted was to get away from Xander. The whole time I was just trying to convince myself that he’s not good for me. He’s toxic.

What he did was inexcusable, and I don’t know how I could ever forgive him for it, but at the same time, the thought of him not being here anymore…

Vomit makes its way up my throat and out of my mouth. All over Jacques’ floor.

“Shit,” he curses, standing from his chair and rushing over to me.

“I’m so sorry,” I choke out, throat burning.

“Don’t worry about it. You need to get some sleep, Camila.”

I shake my head as he rubs my back, and more vomit threatens to escape. “We need to find him, Jacques.”

“We’re doing everything we can, okay?” He pulls away, pressing a button on the wall next to us. “Fuck, if I knew he was going to disappear, I would’ve found a different way to keep him away from you.” He pinches the bridge of his nose.

“It’s not… your fault,” I manage, swallowing down bile. “I should’ve heard him out.”

He sighs. “You know, I can tell you what you need to know. You just need to be ready for it.”

I nod at him. He’s been relentlessly offering to tell me about Xander for days. He’s defending his brother. But I don’t want to hear it. I’m trying to wrap my head around what Xander did. And I don’t want to make excuses for him.

What he did was toxic, but our relationship was none of the sort.

“Come on.” Jacques helps me up off the seat as a couple of cleaners come in with buckets and mops.

I give them an awkward smile on the way out.

When we reach the mansion, Jacques takes me into the kitchen and offers me a bottle of water. I take it from him and drink little sips. He sits on the opposite side of me, hands folded in front of him, eyes fixed on nothing in particular. You can see the regret written all over his face. I think we both regret it. But neither of us knew what it would mean for Xander to leave.

The cold water soothes my throat as I finish the rest of the bottle. We're both silent as I flatten it and place it in the recycling bin.

“I’m going to go and shower this off.” My announcement cuts through the silence.

Jacques nods as I move past him, squeezing his tense shoulder.

The only positive to come out of the last few days is that myself and Jacques have formed a friendship. Albeit over his missing brother, but still a friendship. And though guilt is eating me alive at what I said to Xander, I feel even worse for taking him from Jacques.

Sleep evades me, as it has been.

I’ve been tossing and turning. Every little noise I hear, I hope it might be Xander returning from wherever he is. Ezra insists that he doesn't know. I had to stop Jacques from almost shooting him over it multiple times. I believe Ezra.

Huffing in frustration, I drag myself out of bed and pad over to the kitchen, where I pour myself a glass of wine.

I don’t even like wine.

I carry the glass into the sitting room of the house and pause when I see Jacques sitting in front of a lit fireplace, a bottle of water in his hand.

Quietly, I move to the chair opposite him. “Can I?” I ask.

He gestures to the chair, and I sit, staring into the fire as we sit in silence and sip on our drinks.