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Preston made his choice when he decided to fuck with my life. He doesn’t deserve mercy. None of them do.

8

Ghost

When planning dinner with my brother and sister, I decided to go casual, nothing fancy like I usually attempt. In all honesty, I only want to have some time with them without having to put in any unappreciated effort. They’re so distant in their own lives now; it wouldn’t have mattered if I had anyway.

They both agree to come, but only because this diner is our favorite, a place we would frequent when we were younger, when Ellie was just a baby. Before our mom died.

Ellie shows up first, with a tiny stumble in her step that she tries to hide. Doesn’t surprise me, not anymore. Our parents never would have tolerated this from her; it makes me feel guilty that she’s doing this under my watch. I know my father, especially, would be disappointed by what she’s doing.

She waves at me while a soft smile lights up her face. Her black hair is pulled back into a ponytail, swinging as she walks toward me.

“Wow, you showed up early,” I tease, adjusting in my seat.

“Trying to turn over a new leaf,” she says, sliding into the booth, sitting directly across from me. As if I haven’t heard that one before. I wish I could believe her.

Robert shows up a few minutes later, sleeves rolled up and tie loosened around his neck. It’s obvious he’s come here straight from work. He claps his hand on my shoulder before taking his seat next to Ellie.

“Ah, c’mon, I show up to nothing? You could’ve at least ordered me a beer,” he laughs as he grabs the menu.

We speak of the easy things first: Ellie’s classes, Robert’s job, and how well he’s been doing in his new position. How we miss our dad’s calls, starting with ‘I don’t mean to nag, but…’ before he then proceeded to nag. It feels light and warm. Normal.

Fuck. I miss normal.

Wynnie consumes my every thought. My every breath is for her, and I was fucking everything up because I love her too damn much. There’s no possibility of things ever being back to normal.

I lean back, staring at my untouched plate, apprehension sinking in deep as I prepare myself to speak.

“I’ve… I’ve been doing something I shouldn’t be doing,” I blurt out. “And I think, probably sooner rather than later, I’m going to have to step down and allow Robert to take over Grant Guard.”

I watch as both of their eyebrows rise and come together with confusion.

“What? I mean, did you join a cult or something? What exactly would be so bad that you’re going to step down from such an important job? How are you going to have an income?” Ellie questions me.

“Yeah,” Robert says, tapping his finger on the table. “What exactly does that mean? Doing something you shouldn’t?”

I hesitate. Their stares feel as though they’re burning holes through me. It’s painful to see the disappointment in their expressions.

“Just… life stuff. I don’t know. I really can’t get into it, if I’m being totally honest. But don’t worry about my income, Ell, I’ve got my savings. No worries, guys.”

“Preston—” Ellie begins.

I shake my head, cutting her off. “Don’t. Life has just been getting away from me, I suppose. I’m not seeing you guys as much as I used to, and I guess I’ve needed to keep my mind occupied with other things. That’s what’s getting me in trouble.”

“I get it, Pres, wanting to spend time with us, but this is what happens when everyone becomes adults and starts doing their own things. And, hey, don’t throw away your once-in-a-lifetime job just because you’re making some mistakes. I make big fucking mistakes, but I’m still rockin’,” Robert says, leaning forward, placing his elbows on the table. Our mom would’ve hit him upside the head for that.

“Yeah, I love you, but I’m in college now. I’m barely keeping up with school, and, no offense, but I don’t want to spend every night with my big brothers. I have other things I’d rather be doing. I’m happy to see you when I can, though. Doesn’t that make it so much more special?”

I try to smile, but it comes out thin.

“Yeah, I know,” I sigh.

“You know you’ve always got me. I’m working on building a family with Amelia, but that doesn’t change where I come from. You’re my big brother. You call, I’m there, and you know that. I think it’s time for you to find yourself a chick and start your own stuff outside of us.”

I know they both mean well, but the way their words land makes my soul ache for a life that used to be.

The waitress comes by to refill our drinks, and the conversation shifts again, back to easy laughter and small updates. It really does fill an empty space inside of me when I’m able to be around them.