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He scoops me up in his arms. I squeal in surprise but quickly settle into his embrace. I feel completely secure, his strong arms supporting me with ease. I lay my head on his shoulder and bury my nose in his neck, inhaling his manly scent and sighing.

“Keep doing that and we’re going back to bed.”

A mischievous smile forms on my face. “Why turn around when you could just fuck me on the counter?” I’m doing my best to sound innocent right now. His steps falter and his eyes widen before he returns my grin.

“Oh, baby, I might do just that.” A shiver races down my spine. “But, first…” We step into the kitchen and I look down at the dining room table to see it set for breakfast with pancakes, sausage, eggs, and orange juice. “Happy Birthday, Emma,” he whispers and my heart pounds in my chest.

I love him.

The thought flits through my mind, taking me by surprise and causing a new sense of fear to build within me. God…I do love him. I know I do. And loving him exposes me to a whole new level of hurt. I’m too broken. Too damaged. I can’t handle it. I can’t live with the fear that comes with my new revelation.

Jesus, I need to breathe.

“Em, what’s wrong?” Nix asks, noticing my obvious distress.

“Please put me down.” My voice is shaky and uncertain. As soon as my feet touch the tile floor of my kitchen, I begin pacing back and forth, my mind racing, and I run a hand through my hair.

“Baby, please talk to me.” The strain in his words is clear and it hurts me more than I expected. In my panic, all I want is to have him wrap his arms around me and tell me everything will be all right. The fact that he has this power over me doesn’t help my current state of mind.

I need him to leave. I just need to think.

“I need you to leave,” I finally say. Collapsing in one of the chairs at the dining room table, I put my face in my hands and will away the tears that threaten to fall.

“Absolutely not. Talk to me, Emma.” He crouches down in front of me. He pries my hands away from my face and tries to force me to look at him but I don’t budge. I know what he’ll see in my eyes. And I can’t allow that.

“I just need you to leave, Nix.”

“No, I’m not leaving you. Not ever,” he proclaims, adamant. His new declaration brings on a whole new wave of fear. Not ever? As in forever? As in marriage? My body freezes on the last word, thinking back to the only comparison I have — Ryan.

“I just need some time, some space,” I choke out and he balls his fists up. I have a moment of panic before I remember that Nix is nothing like Ryan. He’s just frustrated, I reason. I know he doesn’t like it but I also know that he’ll do it, for me.

“Goddamn it!” he growls. “Okay, I’ll give you some time but you need to call someone to be here with you.”

“I’ll call the girls.”

He watches me for a moment before nodding. He stands and starts walking to the door, me trudging along behind him. When he reaches it, he stops and turns to me.

“I’ll be back, Emma. I’ll give you the space you need right now but I’m not going to give you up.”

I nod as he opens the door and steps into the hallway. I feel torn right now. I wanted him to leave, needed the space, but now, watching him walk away is ripping me apart. He braces his hands on the doorjamb, the two of us just staring at one another.

“I love you, Emma,” he says, his voice so low and sincere that my heart stalls and races at the same time.

How in the fuck does he do that?

I knew he felt this way. I saw it in his eyes when we made love for the first time, but hearing him say the words makes them real and scares the shit out of me. My muscles lock up and my eyes widen as I stare at him.

I know as soon as he gets it. Understanding dawns on his face before his eyes soften and he gives me a small smile. I panic, slamming the door in his face and collapsing against it as a sob rips out of my mouth.

Nix is still there, I know he is. I can feel him through the wood of the door. My magnet, pulling me back to him.

“I’m leaving right now because I love you so much, Em. I know this scares you but I will fight for you. I’ll be back,” he says softly and then he’s gone. I feel his absence throughout my entire body, it aches to rush after him. Aches like I’m missing a limb or a vital organ. Like I’m missing…my heart.

* * * *

“Emma, what happened?” Addilyn asks as soon as she steps through the open apartment door twenty minutes later.

Sighing, I shake my head. Fresh tears well up in my eyes and I wipe them away