Page 64

He waits patiently for me and I sigh before explaining my dream to him in excoriating detail. I leave nothing out and when I finish, he clenches his jaw and looks away.

“Jesus Christ,” he mutters, his muscles tense and rage burning in his eyes. “I want to kill him for what he’s done to you. I don’t know what else to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything,” I whisper, turning and gazing out the window. Still lost in my dream, I had forgotten about last night but now it’s all coming back to me and I can’t help but feel like I’m being watched. “Do you know how easy it is to break a person?”

“No.”

I nod. Of course, he wouldn’t know because he would never even try. “It’s easier than you’d think. When you love someone, they have the power to destroy you and I’m not just talking about a broken heart. It’s much more insidious than that and you never see it coming or if you do, you convince yourself that you’re going crazy because they love you and they would never do anything to hurt you. But that’s why it works.”

“Baby, I don’t want to talk about this,” he growls, his body still tense underneath me.

“No one does. That’s another reason why it works so well and people get away with it. Some people don’t even know what emotional abuse is, or it’s not taken seriously because you can’t see the effects it has on its victims. I mean, look at what Ryan did to me. He yelled at me and hit me but those were easier to dismiss than the times he came to me in a loving manner and planted something destructive in my head. Sometimes I have to wonder if he had a game plan from the beginning to destroy me.”

“Enough, Emma!” he yells, startling me as he shoves me out of his lap and scoots to the edge of the bed. Dropping his head into his hands, his back heaves with labored breaths and I stare at him, my heart pounding. After the immediate fear dissipates, the guilt settles in and I know that I pushed him too far. I was so lost in thought that I didn’t listen when he said that he didn’t want to talk about it. I sit up and scoot across the bed, gently laying my hand on his back.

“I’m so sorry, Nix,” I whisper and he blows out a breath and shakes his head.

“Baby, please don’t apologize. I just need a minute.”

If I didn’t realize it before now, this moment proves that Nix is nothing like Ryan. Not once has he blamed me for anything and he is so considerate of what might cause me to freak out that he pushes himself to the limit of what he can handle. If anything, maybe I don’t deserve him.

“This time I owe you an apology. You told me you didn’t want to talk about it and I should have listened to you.”

He moves suddenly, taking me by surprise as he spins around and grabs my arm, pulling me into his lap.

“I owe you an apology, too. I want you to open up to me, Emma, but hearing what he did to you makes me feel things I can’t even explain. I don’t think you fully understand how much I care about you and it literally guts me to imagine you living through the things he did to you. In my entire life, I’ve never felt anger like I do when I think about you, hurt and scared, because of him.”

Tears well up in my eyes and I cup his cheek in my hand. “I know. I can see it in your eyes.”

“I hope that’s not all you can see in my eyes. There’s so much I want to tell you, Em, but I don’t want to scare you off. I’m terrified I’m going to make one wrong move and lose you.”

“Please,” I whisper, shaking my head. “Don’t think that. It’s no way to live your life and you have nothing to worry about. You are the only thing that’s made me feel safe and happy in over a year.”

His hand dives into my hair and he slams his lips into mine, holding me close as he takes a deep breath almost like he’s trying to memorize everything about me. I cup his face between my hands and pull away for a second before leaning back in for another kiss. His arm hooks around my waist and I straddle his legs on the edge of the bed as he pulls me closer.

“You know,” I mumble in between kisses. “There are other things that I can see in your eyes.”

“Oh, yeah? Like what?” he asks, arching a brow.

I pull away slightly, until we’re nose-to-nose, and trace my finger down the line of his jaw. “Well, I can see how much you care about me and it lets me know that I can trust you, that you’ll protect me. But I can also see how much you want me and how crazy it’s making you to wait.”

I wiggle in his lap, rubbing my core over his hardening cock and his eyelids droop as he lets out a soft groan.

“You can read me like a book, baby.”

“Mmm,” I hum, nodding as I grind down on his lap again, my skin tingling with awareness. His eyes open and meet mine, blue depths blazing with need for me. “You’re right, which is how I know the filthy thoughts running through your head right now.”

He grips my hips and leans in, pressing his lips to my neck. “God, Em, don’t tease me.”

“I’m not teasing,” I whisper and he jerks away from me, meeting my eyes.

“Really? Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure.” I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. After our date at the park, I thought we might take the next step but he never brought it up and I was too shy to ask but I know what I want and I’m done waiting for it.

“I’m okay with waiting if that’s what you want,” he says and I close my eyes so he doesn’t see me rolling them as I swivel my hips on top of him again.

“I don’t want to wait anymore.”