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Chapter Thirty

Rowan

Birds sing sweetly somewhere off in the distance and early morning sunlight streams in through the windows, the cheeriness of it all such a stark contrast from the nightmares that tormented me all night long, as I pad down the stairs in desperate need of coffee.

“Morning,” Tate calls as I step into the kitchen and I nod, rubbing at my tired eyes. She takes one look at my face and snorts out a laugh as she points to the coffee pot. “Coffee?”

I nod. “You’re an angel.”

“Well, if that’s all it takes.” She laughs, turning back to the counter as she fiddles with the pen in her hand. There is a notepad laid on the counter in front of her and I scowl as I grab a mug from the shelf above the coffee pot and fill it up with sweet, sweet caffeine.

“How did you sleep?” Emma asks and I glance over my shoulder at her, nodding as I think back over the last twelve hours. After we got here last night, everyone made quick work of bringing all of the luggage inside and making sure the house and surrounding property were secure before Emma started handing out room assignments. She put Travis and me together in the room at the top of the stairs with white shiplap walls and a giant king-sized bed with a black metal bedframe that felt so homey. Lincoln wasn’t too pleased about the sleeping arrangements and with just one look at my big brother, I could see that it’s taking every ounce of restraint he has to keep his promise to me and not tell Travis the truth about my feelings for him but he’s worried about me.

“Good.”

She smiles. “Good. Streak still sleeping?”

“Yeah,” I scoff, carrying my mug with two hands as I shuffle over to the massive island in the middle of the room and sit next to Tate. “He finished off one and a half bottles of whiskey last night so he’s probably going to be out for a while.”

“He okay?” Tate asks, arching a brow and I sigh, remembering the way he stumbled into our room last night with the second bottle of liquor in his hand and collapsed onto the bed. He didn’t pass out for a while, though. Instead, we just laid there for hours talking. He told about the three phone calls he received from Warren but he kept it pretty vague when I asked what Warren had said to him - just telling me that he usually spent his time taunting Travis with his inability to find him and threatening to start killing people if he told anyone about the calls. He also mentioned that Warren had taken a liking to me. When I balked, he assured me that Warren’s interest was nothing more than another side game to get at him but I can’t help but be worried. “Rowan?”

I blink up at Tate, remembering her question. “Oh… yeah… I think he’s okay.”

I don’t.

Travis is clearly not okay and tears sting my eyes as I think about everything he’s been going through, silently, these past few weeks. He’s been in hell and my chest aches for him. On top of the stress every other member of this club was feeling from the situation, he also had to listen to Warren mock him and threaten the people he cares about. As I laid in bed and watched him sleep for a few minutes this morning, I promised him that I was going to be there for him unconditionally no matter how much it hurt me in the long run because it’s clear to me now that he needs me. My mind drifts back to the words he said in the car about me being the calm in this storm for him and the one place where he can breathe as I stare down into my coffee cup. If I’m his harbor, his shelter as this fight rages around us, then that’s what I’ll be no matter how much it hurts me when he walks away.

No more running.

No more keeping him at a distance because I can’t. It hurts me, it hurts him, and I love him too much to watch him suffer like this all alone.

“You two work things out then?” Tate asks, drawing my attention back to her as she chews on one end of the pen and I nod, deciding to keep the truth to myself. I know Tate has good intentions but all it’s going to take to set my brother off is one misplaced comment and I can’t have him telling Travis the truth about my feelings. I’m not ready for this to end yet.

“More or less… we’re figuring it out.”

She flashes me a grin. “I knew you would. The two of you were freaking made for each other.”

“I don’t know about that.” I laugh, trying to keep my tone light as a stake pierces my chest and pain floods my body. I so wish her words were true that Travis and I were made for one another but pretending like this could ever be anything more than the casual relationship we agreed to is asking for heartache. Glancing down at the notepad in front of her to distract myself, I nod to it. “What’s that?”

“We’re making a grocery list,” Emma says and Tate nods.

“This poor girl does not have near enough food to feed twenty fucking people for however long we’re going to stay here for.”

Emma laughs. “To be fair, I wasn’t expecting company.”

“You guys heading out soon?” I ask and they both nod. “Mind if I join you?”

“Of course not,” Tate says, dropping the pen on the counter and wrapping her arm around my shoulders. Someone clears their throat from behind us and we glance back as Blaze arches a brow.

“Sure hope you ladies weren’t planning on going out by yourself.”

Tate flashes him a sweet smile. “‘Course not, Blaze. We were just about to go ask you if you wanted to go, too.”

“Mm-hmm,” he hums, grabbing a mug from the shelf and pouring himself a cup of coffee. He takes a sip and closes his eyes, sighing, as he swallows and I study his face, noticing the new wrinkles around his eyes from all of the stress we’ve been enduring lately. This whole situation, it’s hell on each and every member of this club, hell on the family of the members, and we need to find a way to end it. I have no freaking idea how but we have to find a way. Blaze sighs again and takes another sip of coffee as he opens his eyes and nods to us. “Let me know when you ladies are ready to go.”

I nod as I stand up and grab my coffee. “I’m going to get get ready.”

“Ten minutes,” Tate calls and I nod in response before walking over to the stairs and dragging my tired body up them. I slip into the room and smile when I see Travis sprawled out in the middle of the giant bed, one leg hooked out of the covers as they ride low on his hips and his hand splayed out on his stomach. His full lips are parted as a gentle sawing noise fills the room. I’ve never heard him snore before but maybe that’s because I usually fall asleep first or it could be the fact that he was gone last night. Unable to stop myself, I sit on the edge of the bed and turn to him, studying his handsome face as he sleeps and the pain in his eyes when he told me about Warren last night rushes back to me. Sinking my teeth into my bottom lip, tears sting my eyes as I reach up and brush his dark hair off of his forehead. He looks so peaceful in his sleep, so serene and I shake my head, trying to imagine the hell he’s been dealing with over these past few weeks as my chest swells. He lets out a small groan and I can’t help but smile.