Page 55

“I don’t know…” I admit, my voice weak as tears sting my eyes again. It’s a total fucking lie and we both know it. I let him come in because staying away from him, missing him is torture. I’ve lived with it for ten years and I just don’t have the strength to keep going. His gaze softens and he walks around the side of the bed before sitting next to me.

“What happened back then, Pip? Just tell me. Whatever it is, I can handle it.” His voice is kind, full of empathy, and I avoid his gaze as tears well up in my eyes. As soon as I tell him the truth, that kind, caring voice will be gone. I just know it. Shaking my head, I pull my hand back.

“I can’t.”

He rakes his hand through his hair. “You can. I’m telling you, baby, I’m here for you. Whatever it is.”

“You won’t see me the same way,” I whisper as a tear streaks down my cheek and I meet his gaze. He reaches forward and cups my cheek, the desperation and love in his eyes is too much to bear. He brushes his thumb over my cheek, wiping away the tear.

“I promise you that I will. You’re my Pip, you always have been, and you always will be. Just tell me the truth.”

I shake my head again. “No.”

“Goddamn it,” he snaps, releasing me and jumping up from the bed as he starts pacing across my bedroom floor and running his hand through his hair again. I’m not trying to cause him any pain but I can see that this is killing him and it’s not fair to keep dragging this on. But neither one of us know what the truth will do to him and I’m terrified once he learns everything that he will wish I had kept my mouth shut. He turns to me, fire and determination dancing in his eyes, and his lips set into a firm line.

“Why did you leave me?”

I shake my head and drop my gaze to the bed. He growls.

“Why did you leave me?” he yells and another tear slips down my cheek as I shake my head again.

I can’t tell him.

I can’t…

“Why did you leave me?!”

A sob tears through me as his roar echoes around the room and I meet his eyes as I scream, “I don’t know!”

Silence descends on us and time seems to stand still as we stare at each other. Both of us stunned by my sudden admission. I didn’t intend to say anything but hearing the hurt in his voice as he demanded the truth again pulled it out of me. More questions fill his eyes and he shakes his head as he takes a step toward me, his brows knitting together.

“What do you mean you don’t know?”

Sucking in a breath, I play with a loose thread on my blanket.

Fuck.

I guess we’re doing this now…

“It’s complicated, Wyatt.”

“So explain it,” he demands and I look up, my heart pounding in my chest as the words I need to say roll around in my brain. I open my mouth to speak before snapping it shut again.

God, I don’t even know where to start.

“I…”

I snap my mouth closed again as the words stick in my throat. He closes the distance between us and grabs both of my hands between his. “Just start somewhere, babe. I don’t even care if it makes sense at first. Just start talking.”

“I…” I whisper, my mind screaming the words that I can’t seem to force through my lips. I suck in a breath and squeeze my eyes shut. “I had an episode…”

“What does that mean, Pip? What kind of episode?” The worry and pain in his voice breaks my heart all over again and I blow out a breath, trying to find a piece of my soul that might still have a little bit of the bravery I need to tell him everything.

“Technically, it was called a psychotic break…”

Silence.

Just like the night my parents were killed, the silence steals the air from my lungs, choking me as I wait for his reply and more tears fall down my cheeks.