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That’s not what I meant.

I shake my head, trying desperately to clear my thoughts and explain the situation to Lucas clearly. “No, you don’t understand. After I broke up with Danny, I was a little lost because all the plans I had for my life had just fallen down around me.”

“Hey, you don’t have to explain yourself to me, baby,” he interrupts me and I grab his hand, giving it a squeeze.

“No, I really do. It’s not what you think.”

He nods for me to continue.

“One night, about three months after we had broken up, I was feeling really down so my girlfriends talked me into going out. They said there was this new bar they wanted to try and it was supposed to be amazing. Well, when we got there, it was anything but amazing. It was run down and kind of sketchy but they were intent on trying to cheer me up so we started drinking and I got wasted. I honestly don’t remember a lot of the night but around one in the morning, I went outside to get some fresh air and that’s where he found me.”

“He who?” Lucas asks, his voice tight but I don’t have the strength to answer his questions right now. I only want to have to tell this story once.

“I was leaning up against the wall of the bar, looking up at the sky when he pulled me into the side alley. Everything from there happened so fast. One minute I was standing there and the next he was on top of me…” My voice cracks as tears well up in my eyes. “And he had shoved my dress up and cut my panties off. He was probably only on top of me for two minutes or less but it felt like an eternity and when he was finished, he stood up and smiled down at me before just leaving me there.”

“Quinn,” he whispers, pulling me into his arms as his body shakes with rage. I can feel his anger vibrating through every cell of his body but I’ve never felt safer and the tears start to flow as memories from that night come rushing back.

“My friends found me not long after that and they rushed me to the emergency room where they did a rape kit and called the police. Five weeks later, I found out I was pregnant with that sweet perfect little girl upstairs but they never found who did it.”

“I’m so sorry, baby,” he says, his hand threading through the hair at the back of my head as he presses his lips to my forehead.

“That’s why I needed to take things slow, Lucas. I’ve spent the last two years just trying to heal and focusing on Brooklyn because she was the best thing that ever happened to me even if her conception was the worst.”

He pulls back to lock eyes with me and wipes away my tears with his thumbs. “You don’t have to explain anything else to me, sweetheart. I understand completely and I feel like a giant ass for assuming that you slept with a lot of people.”

“It’s okay.” I laugh, gripping his t-shirt and pulling him closer to me. “I wasn’t explaining myself very well.”

“Listen, I won’t push you for anything, okay? You don’t have to talk about it and if I’ve been too aggressive at all, just tell me and I’ll back off. We’ll take this as slow as you want and I’m not going anywhere.”

“No, Lucas. The reason I told you everything is because I’m ready to move forward. I don’t want that moment to define the rest of my life and meeting you has been the biggest blessing. I’m happy again and it’s all because you came into my life so I’m ready to make this thing official if you are.”

His smile is blinding and I can’t help copying it. “Baby, I’ve been waiting weeks to hear you say that.”

“Then kiss me.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he murmurs, pulling me to his lips and when he kisses me this time, there’s no restraint. Knowing that he held back before out of respect for me and my needs makes giving him another piece of my heart the easiest decision I never had a choice in making.