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I nod, despite the pit in my stomach. “Right.”
“You can do this,” she whispers and I nod again, gripping both edges of the blanket in one hand as I take a deep breath and open the door.
Lucas’s gaze flicks to mine and my knees almost buckle as I step out onto the porch, closing the door behind me.
“Hi, Lucas,” I whisper, my hands trembling violently.
“Hey, baby,” he answers, a hint of a smile teasing his lips and I swallow a little bit of my fear as I take another step toward him.
“What are you doing here?”
He drops his head. “I suppose I deserve that.”
“No, you don’t…I just… I don’t know what else to say…”
He nods in understanding as he slowly walks up the three steps between us. When he stops in front of me and meets my gaze, I gasp at the tears shining in his eyes. “This past week has been one of the absolute worst of my life. I’ve been drunk off my ass, fighting with anyone who tried to help me, and angry at the whole damn world. It wasn’t until last night that I realized the thing I needed the most to make me feel better was the one thing I was avoiding.”
“Which is?”
“You, sweetheart,” he whispers, reaching up and brushing his thumb over my cheek. His touch sends goose bumps racing across my skin and my eyes drift closed as I let it sink in. “It’s always been you.”
“I don’t know how you can even look at me.”
“Quinn,” he chastises. “I love you. Looking at you is one of my favorite damn things. Why would that be any different now?”
I grab his hand and press it against my cheek as I look up at him. “You know why.”
“Tate mentioned something about you thinking that I blamed you but I had hoped that she was wrong.”
“It’s just…” I start, my lip wobbling. “If I hadn’t confronted him about what he did to me… maybe he wouldn’t have…”
“Stop right now,” he snaps, his gaze hard as he stares down at me. “This is the very last time I want to hear you say anything like this. You had every right to confront him. Every. Fucking. Right. And what he did, the turmoil that drove him to end his life… that was there long before either one of us ever laid eyes on you. This is not your fault.”
“How are you so put together right now?” I ask, watching him in awe. Yes, he’s sad - that’s clear to anyone that looks at him but seeing him now, I have no doubt that he’s going to be okay. He smiles and pulls me closer, wrapping his arms around me.
“Well, for starters, I’m holding you and like I told you when we first met, you make everything else melt away. Also because I know he’s in a better place now. He’s free of the drugs and the pain that weighed him down his entire life and I have to believe that Mom was waiting for him with open arms.”
“I thought you would be…”
He lets out a humorless laugh. “Baby, there’s a reason you haven’t seen me all week. I’ve been to hell and back over everything that happened but I know I did everything I could for my brother. I have no regrets and like I said, he’s at peace now. And, for what it’s worth, so I am.”
“I’m so sorry, Lucas. I never wanted this for you.”
He smiles, pulling me closer and pressing a kiss against my forehead. “I know you didn’t, baby, but like I said, I really am okay.”
“I don’t see how…”
“Look, it’s sad and I’m going to miss him but I’ve been missing my brother for a very long time. The drugs ate away at so much of him that he hasn’t been my brother for years and the worry I always carried around with me is gone now. As shitty as it sounds, I’m free now, too, and I think Clay would want that for me. There will probably be a piece of me missing for the rest of my life but that’s been the case since the moment we met. I was just hanging on to the hope that I might get him back someday.”
“And where does that leave us?”
“In exactly the same spot we were in the morning we went to the police. I love you, Quinn Dawson, and I’ll tell you again, there is no future for me without you or Brooklyn.”
I shake my head and take a step back. “Everything is so complicated now.”
“Really? Because I’d say things are less complicated now than they were before. I’ve lost my brother and I’ve got to learn to live with that but I can’t lose you, too. You are everything to me, baby. You and that little girl inside.”
I shake my head. “You really don’t blame me?”
“The thought never even once crossed my mind, sweetheart.”
“And you love me?” I ask, my hands shaking and my heart racing for a whole new reason now. He smiles.
“With every broken, twisted piece of my heart and soul.”
I nod, studying him as I hold back a grin. “I guess there’s only one thing left to do then.”
“Yeah?” he asks, arching a brow. “What’s that?”
“Kiss me.”
He grins and pulls me closer. “Yes, ma’am.”