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I nod and he turns to leave. Reaching out, I grab his arm. “Wait. Have you see Lucas?”
His face falls as he nods.
“How is he?” I ask, my stomach flipping and my heart racing. He opens his mouth to answer before snapping it shut again and shaking his head. Taking a deep breath, he flashes me a sympathetic look.
“Just give him time. He’s still in shock.”
“Could I see him?”
“He left already. Storm, Chance, and Moose picked him up an hour ago.”
I nod. “Oh, okay.”
“Listen, I don’t know if this is any consolation given everything that’s happened, but I know that he loves you. Like I said, just give him a little time.”
* * * *
Frogs croak from the yard, joining the chirp of the crickets and I shudder, pulling the blanket tighter around me. I used to love that sound but I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to hear it again without picturing everything that happened in that boxcar four days ago.
“Quinn?” Alice calls from the front door and I glance up. “You okay?”
I force a smile to my face and nod. “Yeah. Is Brooklyn asleep?”
“I think so. She fussed for a while but that’s just cause she’s missing Lucas so much.” She walks out onto the porch and sits down next to me on the swing. “Have you heard from him?”
“No. And I don’t expect to.”
She wraps her arm around me and pulls me into a hug. “I wouldn’t give up on him just yet.”
“Not if I have anything to say about it,” a voice calls and I glance up as Tate walks up the front steps.
“Tate,” I say, forcing yet another smile. “What brings you by?”
“Well, if you wipe that fake ass smile off your face, I’ll tell you.”
My face falls and relief washes through me as she leans back against the house and sinks to her butt.
“That’s better. How are you feeling?”
I shrug. “Numb.”
The truth is, I’ve felt so many different emotions since that night that it’s just easier to say numb than to describe my ever changing mood. On the one hand, my heart is breaking for not only myself but for Lucas, too, and on the other, I’m so goddamn angry at him. When we were in the boxcar, after he got Brooklyn away from Clay, I might as well have been invisible. Although, I don’t know what else I expected. I always knew that he’d never be able to walk away from his brother and that night proved just that but it still hurt to watch as his only focus became Clay.
“Sounds like BS to me. How are you really feeling?”
“Anyone ever told you that you’re pushy?” I grumble, pulling the blanket tighter around my body. She grins.
“Every day of my life. Now answer the question.”
I sigh, dropping my gaze to the boards on the porch as I force back tears. “If you can name it, I’ve probably felt it in the last few days.”
She nods in understanding. “That’s better.”
“Have you seen Lucas?” I ask, hope filling my chest as I glance up at her and she nods.
“He’s a goddamn mess but I also think he’s a little relieved - not that he’d ever admit that to anyone. As long as I’ve known him, he’s always been worried about his brother and although he loved him and he’s sad, I think he feels free, too.”
“Which means he feels guilty,” I supply and she nods.
