Page 1

Chapter One

Carly

“Oh, fuck yes,” Sam moans. His loose grip on my hips kills my building orgasm and I reach up, pinching my nipple in an effort to reclaim it but it’s pointless. “Just like that. Ride it, baby.”

I cringe at the pet name he knows better than to use. It’s a word reserved for boyfriends or husbands—something way more committed than we are or ever will be. I don’t do serious and I never will. Something I made clear to him before we ever hooked up.

As I close my eyes, I try to imagine the sexy dark-haired man I saw on the new Calvin Klein ad last week underneath me instead of Sam as he lets out another moan that grates on my nerves. It's like nails on a chalkboard. Mystery man wouldn’t ruin a decent orgasm with a lackluster grip on my hips as the word “baby” spills out of his mouth because he would realize nothing turns me off faster than a lack of passion from my partner.

How the hell have Sam and I even made it this long?

With a sigh, I ride him faster, resigned to the fact I won’t be getting off soon. I was desperate for release and now all I can do is pray he finishes quickly so I can get on with my damn day.

Sam groans louder and I try to focus on the sensation of him moving inside me but all I can hear in my head is that name rolling off his lips and it makes me want to run out of the room screaming. He groans again, smacking my ass with one hand as he presses his thumb to my clit, rubbing circles over the sensitive nub for a minute before he tenses beneath me, spilling into the thin barrier of the condom. Dots dance in my vision as I squeeze my eyes shut tight and I let out a fake moan. I contract my muscles around him before slipping his cock out of me and falling off to the side.

Jesus, this is getting old.

There’s nothing worse than having to fake an orgasm.

Throwing my arm over my eyes, I release a breath and will my body to relax as Sam continues panting beside me. How does the man manage to make breathing annoying? It’s baffling but somehow he does.

Last night, when I got home from work and needed to get laid, I should have just pulled my vibrator out of the nightstand instead of calling him. Or gone out to a club and found a random guy to hook up with in the bathroom. Either would be better than less than mediocre sex with a guy I should have dumped weeks ago. With a sigh, I drag my arm off my eyes and glance at the open bathroom door. Before I can convince myself to roll out of bed, Sam is on top of me with a huge grin on his face.

“That was amazing.”

I force a smile to my face and I can’t even pretend it’s not strained. “Thanks.”

He trails his finger down my cheek and it’s way too intimate. Every cell in my body is desperate to put space between us but I remain still. “I’m serious, Carly. You’re so amazing and I’ve never met another woman like you. I’m falling in love with you.”

Son of a bitch.

I freeze, my body rigid as I stare up at him. Damn him for catching me off guard with this. Most of the time, I’m able to tell when the guy I’m seeing is developing feelings, and I shut it down before it gets too far but I missed the signs with Sam. He surprised the hell out of me with this and it has to end. Not that I had any intention of continuing after today anyway.

I open my mouth to respond to him, but he silences me with a kiss before smiling and stroking my cheek.

“Don’t say anything, okay? I understand I sprang this on you but keeping it inside was killing me. I’ll wait for you however long it takes so no pressure.”

I nod, glancing over at the bathroom as my skin crawls. “I need to get ready for work.”

“Want me to join you in there?” he asks, wiggling his eyebrows like that’s supposed to entice me but there’s no way in hell that will happen. You know what’s worse than one ruined orgasm? Two of them.

“I can't. I’m already running late.”

He looks a little disappointed, but he nods, rolling off me. “How about I try to rustle up breakfast for us then?”

I force another smile to my face and nod as I climb out of bed and grab my towel off the hook in the closet. As I retreat into the bathroom, I can sense his eyes on me and I try not to appear too rushed, like I’m trying to escape him even if that is what I’m doing. The bathroom door clicks behind me and I flip the lock before lean back against it and blowing out a breath. As soon as I hear Sam leave the bedroom, I walk over to the shower and turn on the water, running my hand through it to test the temperature before stepping in and letting the hot water run down my back with one thought running through my mind.

How did this happen?

Sam and I met in a bar four months ago and he seemed like the perfect guy for me since he wasn’t looking for anything serious either. His long-term girlfriend had just dumped him and nursing a broken heart, he wanted to lose himself in someone else to forget his pain—something I understood all too well. Before things progressed, I explained my rules to him and made it clear that our arrangement would be nothing more than casual so I’m struggling to understand how he could think there is any kind of future here.

It’s sloppy. The kind of mistake I made in the beginning when I was just learning how to navigate these “relationships”. After too many break-ups that ended up being messy and dramatic when they should have been anything but, I figured out how to spot the signs that someone was becoming invested and end things before it moved too far. It saved us all a whole mess of hurt in the long run.

I’m ready to get this over with and move on with my day. It will suck but it has to happen and it will hurt him less if I do it now. I’m not heartless so I do feel bad, but he holds some blame, too. In the months we’ve been hooking up, I never gave him the impression that this could be more. This is all I’m capable of giving a guy and I thought he understood that. Memories engulf me and I close my eyes, trying to forget all the reasons I’m like this. It doesn’t help that the anniversary of the worst day of my life is speeding toward me like a stray bullet. It’s likely part of the reason I got so careless this time.

Before my thoughts go down a road I have no desire to visit today, I focus back on washing my body, scrubbing meticulously to distract my mind but it’s a constant struggle to avoid those dark thoughts. I’ve been so distracted by that damn date, circled in red on my calendar next week, that I’ve barely even been able to focus on anything else, even my new job, so of course I missed things with Sam. Shaking my head, I rinse out my loofa and hang it back on its hook before slipping under the hot water and watching the little soap bubbles run down my belly. Once I’m clean, I turn off the water and step out of the shower as I grab my towel and wrap it around my chest. Silence greets me and I tiptoe to the bathroom door. I pull it open a fraction and scan the bedroom for Sam with my breath stuck in my lungs. After a moment, I hear him singing along to the radio in the kitchen, so I slip out of the bathroom and into my spacious walk-in closet.

This is the one space in the whole apartment I was allowed to decorate and its mix of rustic and contemporary décor sticks out like a sore thumb but it never fails to bring a smile to my face. It is as large as most apartment bedrooms and somewhat of a sanctuary for me in a condo that doesn’t seem like home most of the time. I walk past my wall of shoes and thumb through the rack of clothes before settling on a deep blue shift dress. Once I’m dressed, I re-wrap my hair in the towel and grab my shoes as I steel myself to go break up with Sam.