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She tries to smile but she can’t quite manage. “I like the sound of that.”
Fuck! Where is that goddamn ambulance?
“Logan,” she whispers, and I nod. Her eyes flutter closed again, and her hand falls away.
“Ali. Open your fucking eyes!” I yell, tears spilling down my cheeks, and darkness lurking in the corners, waiting to swallow me up again.
“If I don’t make it,” she says, sighing like even that sentence was too much for her, and I start shaking my head. I don’t want to fucking hear this. She’s not leaving me. I won’t allow it. I finally found her, and I was finally able to live again. I can’t lose her. “You have to try and move on.”
“No, Ali.”
“Please, Logan. All I want is for you to be happy.”
I shake her again, and her eyes open slightly. “You make me happy. Do you hear me? I’m fucking delirious when I’m with you so you fight. You’re not leaving me.”
Her eyes close again, and this time when I shake her, she doesn’t move. Pain crashes down on me, and I struggle to breathe as I shake her again.
“No. Ali. Don’t leave me, Baby. You gotta stay with me. I need you. I need you,” I say, holding her to my chest as I rock back and forth, demons dancing in the wings, chomping at the bit to get their hands on me.
“I’m scared.” Her voice cracks as she forces the words out of her mouth, her skin against mine. Pressing my hand to her face, I lean down and kiss her forehead, a tear falling as I struggle to breathe.
“I’m right here, Kitten. You’ve got absolutely nothing to be afraid of.”
“Love you,” she whispers. “So much.”
And then the darkness descends.
* * * *
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
That steady beeping – it’s the only thing that confirms she’s still here. That I get one more moment with her on this earth because the doctors can’t tell me anything. They say she’ll wake up when she’s ready. If she ever wakes up – that’s what they’re not saying. She may not ever open her gorgeous blue eyes and smile at me again. I’m so close to losing everything all over again, and if I thought the pain of my past was torture, I was fucking wrong. I’m hanging off the edge of an abyss, my fingers digging into the rocky cliff as fire burns below me, waiting to consume me.
She lost so much damn blood, and it felt like hours as I waited for the paramedics to come in and start working on her. But nothing has ever felt as long as the two days that I’ve waited for her to just open her damn eyes as her final words ring in my ears. She’s here – her heart is still beating, and her lungs still suck in air and push it out again but it all means nothing if she never opens her eyes.
This is my fucking fault.
I can’t stop looking at the situation from other scenarios, trying to see where I went wrong. God, I was so stubborn and determined to end it that I didn’t even consider another possibility, and it just might cost me her. I can’t help but think of all the things I did wrong. Why didn’t I ever consider that it could have been someone else? There are still so many unanswered questions but one thing I know for sure is the dead man in our kitchen was not Ian’s twin brother, Tristan. How is it possible that she was in even more danger than I realized? Not that it matters if she doesn’t open her goddamn eyes.
“Kitten,” I whisper, grabbing her hand and bringing it to my lips. “You gotta wake up for me, okay? I need to know that you’re still in there.”
Tears gather in my eyes again as I just look at her, her creamy skin so pale and cold, and her hair greasy as it sticks to her face.
“The last time I said this to someone, I was young and thought I knew everything, but this time is different. With you, it’s all different. I won’t survive losing you, Baby. I know it. You’re the only woman on this earth for me, and we have a whole life to live together so you can’t leave me.”
Stroking the back of her hand with my thumb, I imagine the wedding she described to me as she lay in a pool of blood on the kitchen floor. I picture her walking toward me in a white dress with a brilliant smile on her face and her blue eyes twinkling. I miss her eyes. I’m addicted to the way she looks at me and that little sparkle I get when she smiles at me. My knee starts bouncing, and I kiss her hand again before I look up at the ceiling.
“What the fuck did I ever do to you? You do this to me not once but twice? Don’t you dare fucking take her from me, too. You don’t get to take her,” I rage at God, and the door to Ali’s room opens as I wipe my eyes and turn back to my girl.
“How’s our girl doing?” Janice, Ali’s mom, asks. As the ambulance drove Ali to the hospital and I followed them, I called her parents. I knew she would want them here, and if she’s not coming back to us, they need to be here to say good-bye to their daughter. Just that thought has me choking back tears again.
“She’s the same,” I answer, my voice rough as I stare up at Ali’s face.
“Why don’t you go get some food, son,” Peter, her father, says, patting my shoulder but I just shake my head.
