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Chapter Fifteen

Addilyn

Trey:

On my way

Smiling, I set my phone down and save all my work from today before closing out of it and spinning to face my apartment. Over the past week, I’ve wondered if my doing this, being with Trey, is really the right thing. It’s a constant battle in my head. I can’t deny the way he makes me feel, the warmth that rushes over me just from a simple text message or the way his smile reaches into the deepest parts of me, but then I wonder if it’s really fair to him to pursue this when my future is so dark and uncertain. Wouldn’t it be better to just end things now instead of making him go through losing me to a disease like my mom’s?

It’s selfish to be with him but I just want to be selfish. I want to wake up in his arms every morning and go to sleep with him every night for as long as I can before this ends. However it ends. God, how can I think about doing this to him? If he loves me even a fraction as much as I love him, how can I just sit back and lead him toward heartbreak? My fate is decided but that doesn’t mean his has to be.

A knock at the door pulls me out of my personal hell, and I try to plaster a smile on my face as I walk over and open it, but the moment he looks at me, his grin falls away, and his brows furrow as he studies me. He steps inside and sets the food he brought over down on the table before pulling me into his arms.

“What’s wrong, baby?” he asks, his voice soft as it washes over me, soothing every frazzled nerve in my body. When he’s here and he’s holding me, I just can’t seem to let go.

“Nothing,” I whisper, burying my face in his neck, and he sighs.

“Ad, I wish you would open up to me. I thought things were better between us.”

“They are,” I say, pulling back to look up at him. “I just…”

My voice trails off, and I just stand here with my mouth hanging open because I have no words to explain this to him. I’m so scared. Scared of absolutely every possibility. And it’s left me frozen in indecision. If I tell him and he decides that he can’t deal with my uncertain future, it will kill me. If I make the choice for him, spare him the pain of watching me slip away piece by piece it will kill me. Somewhere along the way, I’ve fallen madly in love with this man standing in front of me, and I don’t know how to make this work. When tears start to gather in my eyes, he crushes me back to him and kicks the door closed.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m here, Ad, and I swear to you, I’m not going anywhere. You tell me whenever you’re ready.”

Gripping his shirt in my clenched fists, I try to force the tears back down. Hearing him tell me that he’s here no matter what almost breaks me. I know he thinks he means those words but he has no idea what he’s in store for if he stands by me. There have been times since my mom got sick that I imagined my dad being here. And I think the only thing worse than going through this alone would be watching him lose the love of his life.

Is that really what Trey and I are though? He’s that for me but we don’t talk and that’s my fault, but I still don’t know how he feels about me, about us. While I’ve been over here falling madly in love with him maybe he’s just having fun.

“You hungry?” Trey asks, rubbing his hand down my back and up again, allowing me to take a deep, calming breath. And then there’s moments like this where it almost seems like he can hear my soul screaming out for him and he gives me exactly what I need before I even realize it myself.

Pulling back to look at him, I give him a sad smile and nod. “Yeah, I could eat.”

He holds me to him when I try to pull away, searching my eyes for a moment before he brushes his thumb across my cheek. My eyes flutter closed, and I lean into him as a wave of peace descends on me. Freaking magic. When I open my eyes again, he’s smiling at me but it doesn’t last long. His lips press against mine, and I’m swept under the tide that is Trey Davis.

That’s how it feels sometimes – like I’m floating around in the middle of the ocean, and while it’s scary, the times when he’s got his arms around me, holding me above water, is one of the most amazing things I’ve ever felt. I may be drowning in my love for him but I’ve never been happier.

He pulls back, looks me over, and leans in for another quick kiss before releasing me and grabbing the food off the table. When he walks past me, the smell of bar-be-que follows him, and my stomach growls, making me laugh.

“I guess I was hungrier than I thought.”

He grins. “Good because I brought your favorite.”

He pulls out a Styrofoam container and opens it up. I peek in and give him a confused look. “The ribs are not my favorite, the chicken is.”

“See, I knew you would say that but I have to tell you that you’re wrong.”

“I’m wrong?” I laugh, and he nods. Oh, I can’t wait to hear this.

“Please explain.”

“I will admit that you like the chicken but whenever you’re sad or dealing with something, you always order the ribs. I’m fairly convinced it’s more like a comfort thing.”

I just stare up at him, unsure of what to say. “I… My dad used to make ribs with me all the time, and I do eat them whenever I’m sad or miss him but I never realized that you were paying that much attention to me.”

“Oh, Addy, I’m always paying attention. I could write a book about all the things I know about you.”

“Like what?” I ask, crossing my arms across my chest and shooting him a look of disbelief.