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Chapter Five

Addilyn

Letting my purse slip from my shoulder and down to the floor, I let out a heavy breath and squeeze my eyes shut. I don’t know why I keep doing this to myself. Even when there’s no future, I can’t help but look for the same thing my mom and dad had. Without even thinking, I search it out. That’s what led to my horrid date with Conner tonight and what made me stay in a relationship with Kyle when I knew things weren’t going anywhere.

When I was little, five or six maybe, I remember waking up in the middle of the night sometimes and I would sneak out into the living room because what little kid wants to go back to bed. And more often than not, I would find my parents holding each other as they danced around the kitchen in their socks. Dad would be humming to Mom, and Mom would pull her head back and look up at my dad like he was the center of her world. Then, Dad would say something or make a face at her, and she would giggle before tucking herself back into his arms.

When I think of love, that’s what I see. My parents dancing around in the kitchen, and my mom giggling like a teenage girl because Dad always did whatever he could to make sure she knew how much she was loved. That’s what I want, even if it’s not practical, and somehow I end up on dates with guys like Conner.

The truth is that I’m just so tired. Tired of looking for something that’ll never happen. Tired of keeping these secrets that aren’t even mine to keep, and tired of living with the knowledge that I’m going to spend the rest of this life alone. Needing some comfort, I strip off my shoes and go to my closet, pulling down the box of letters from my dad to my mom. I carry them over to the couch and sit down before pulling the lid off. Thumbing through them carefully, I pull one out at random and open it, my eyes already welling up at the sight of my dad’s handwriting.

My Love,

I’m sitting here in the dark as you sleep peacefully in our bed, the moonlight spilling in the windows and draping across your body. And the only thing I can think is that I’m the luckiest man alive. I had this same thought a year ago when I saw you walking down that aisle toward me in your gorgeous white dress but somehow, you’ve outshined that memory just a little bit with your news today. I know that a year (or fifty) from now, I’ll look back and be able to remember so perfectly the look on your face and the way your hazel eyes shimmered as you told me that I’m going to be a daddy.

I don’t know why I’m constantly surprised by the joy you bring to me. Since you came waltzing into my life (or maybe I tripped into yours), you’ve taken every aspect of it and made it immeasurably better.Even something as simple as going to the grocery store becomes another memory that I get to cherish, and I know that this child, our child, will only add more happiness to our life together.

I can’t wait to see you be a mother. I know that you’re going to be amazing, and I only hope that I can do both you and our baby proud. I hope it’s a little girl and that she has golden hair and sparkling hazel eyes just like her Mama. You have this light inside of you, sweetheart, and it can banish the most stubborn of demons. I can only hope that our little girl has that same light in her because this world could use some more of that light, of you.

If I know one thing for sure, my love, it’s that as soon as you uttered those two words, I was a changed man. I fell in love with our baby just as quickly as I fell in love with you, and I anxiously wait for the day that I get to meet her (or him). You are the two most important people in this world to me, and there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you. Always remember that. I love you today, tomorrow, and forever.

XOXO

Wiping a tear from my cheek, I put the letter back in its spot and put the lid back on the box before returning it to my closet and crawling into bed with thoughts of my parents lulling me to sleep.

* * * *

Squaring my shoulders, I lock my gaze onto the door of Moe’s and, with determined steps, make my way toward it. I’ve been sitting out in the parking lot for the past thirty minutes, like a bit of a stalker, waiting for Moe to leave for the night so I could sneak in and confront Trey. He’ll have to talk to me now. When my fingers wrap around the handle, I suck in a breath before yanking it open and marching inside.

“We’re closed,” Trey calls, not looking up from the stack of bills that he’s counting.

“I’m not here for booze, Trey.”

His head snaps up, and he mutters “shit” before tossing the stack of cash down and sighing. “Why are you here, Ad?”

“Gee, I don’t know,” I start, stalking over to the bar so I’m standing right in front of him, “maybe it’s because I’ve been trying to get ahold of you for over a week, and you’ve just freakin’ disappeared.”

“Well, maybe you should take the hint,” he mutters, his head dropping, and I gasp. I knew he was avoiding me but hearing him say as much cuts deeper than I expected it to.

“What?” I honestly can’t believe he just said that to me. This isn’t the Trey I know, and my mind races as I try to figure out just why he’s so damn mad at me. He lifts his head, fire in his gaze as it locks on me.

“Maybe you should just take the goddamn hint and go be with your boyfriend, Addilyn.”

“We broke up,” I whisper, still unsure what exactly I did to fill his face with that anger. He just stares at me, his jaw ticking as he drums his fingers on the counter, and his mask cracks just a little, allowing me to see that he missed me just as much as I missed him.

What the hell is going on here?

Sighing, he steps out from behind the bar and takes a single step toward me. “You wanna know why I’ve been ignoring your calls all week?”

“Yes.”

He takes another step toward me, and the air around us becomes charged. “You want to know why I thought it was best for our friendship that we get a little space from each other?”

I just nod, and he closes the gap between us, not touching me but it doesn’t make his presence any less potent. Jesus, what is this? You don’t feel this way about people you’re friends with. At least, you’re not supposed to. But right now, with him only inches away from my body, my heart is pounding, and my knees are shaking like I’m thirteen years old again and about to kiss a boy for the first time.

He reaches up and my gaze locks onto his hand, following every single movement with bated breath, and he pauses just before trailing the backs of his fingers down my cheek. He hovers there, right above my skin, and I want to cry out with desperation. The indecision is tearing me apart – I want him to touch me and drop his hand at the same time, and I can’t latch on to one long enough to make up my mind. This is intimate, not friendly. The way he’s looking at me and the way my cheek feels from his almost touch causes feelings in me that are way more than friends. This is so, so bad. Finally, he balls his hand up into a fist and drops it back to his side.

“The night of Emma’s wedding, you were really drunk and I took you home. Do you remember that?”