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Masked Don

Page 76

by K.C. Crowne

“Open it,” she says.

“No.” I lean my back against it. “You’re not walking out of this house with my son at five in the morning without saying it to my face. Say it. Then we’ll see.”

She doesn’t say it. So I do. “Five years ago, you left me a ring on the pillow and money you wouldn’t take. Tonight, it appears you’re going to leave nothing at all. I suppose that’s progress of a kind.”

Her chin comes up. “Don’t you dare make this about your feelings. This was never about you.”

“My son’s life is in that suitcase, Stevie. How is it not about me?”

“Because I’m his mother, and I’m trying to save his life!”

“By stealing him from his father a second time?” The words come out like something breaking. “You did it once. You took the first four years of my son’s life from me. And now, the moment I’m finally in his life, the moment he’s started lowering his guard around me, you’re going to rip him away again, in the dark, like a thief. All because you got scared.”

“Scared.” She laughs, and it’s terrible. “You think this is me being scared? This is me being his mother. I watched you kill a man two nights ago, Enzo. I watched you break a boy’s fingers in your basement and send him to the river. I held a kid’s leg as his blood poured between my fingers. And I listened to you as you told me you’d kill again and again for Matthew.”

“To keep him alive.”

“To make him you!” Her voice cracks the air. “That’s what I’m running from, not Luca, not the danger I can see: you. I’m running from the version of my son that grows up in this house and learns that love is a smoking gun held up in front of a dead body. I won’t give him that.”

I step closer now, the fury carrying me, but she doesn’t step back even an inch. “So, instead, you give him no father at all. That’s your better plan: a boy with no father, raised on the run, taught that the second anything gets hard, you pack a bag in the middle of the night and leave. He’s going to learn something, Stevie. Is that the lesson you want to teach?”

I see it hit her. But she comes back swinging.

“At least running keeps him breathing.”

“You never gave me a chance!” It’s the thing under all of it, torn out of me before I can stop it. “Five years, Stevie. You decided, alone, that I didn’t get to know my own son. You judged me without even giving me a chance to speak in my defense. You just decided, for him and for me, like God, like you had the goddamn right.”

“You know why I ran?” She’s shaking now. “You really want to know?”

“I do.”

“Because the night we made him, I learned that his father was a crime lord who kills.”

“Mama?” The word drops into the room and stops everything.

Matthew is in the bathroom doorway between their rooms. He’s in his dinosaur pajamas, and his hair is sleep-mussed, and his eyes are big and alert. He looks at his mother, who’s paler than she was a moment ago. Then he looks at the suitcase, and then he looks at me. I can see something working behind his eyes, a question taking shape. I realize what it is before he asks it.

“Is Enzo my daddy?”

Across the room, I hear Stevie make a sound like the floor opened up beneath her. Her hand flies to her mouth and I see years of held breath whoosh out of her all at once.

But I’m only dimly aware of it, because my whole world has narrowed to this little boy in dinosaur pajamas, asking the only question that could possibly matter. All the fury, the cold, the betrayal, the suitcase, all of it, drains out of me. Gone. Burned off in an instant by the sight of his frightened face, leaving something so much rawer underneath that I can barely hold it.

I slowly drop to one knee so I’m not towering over him, so I’m at his level, so the man he’s looking at isn’t the one whose voice was filling the house a moment ago. When I speak, it comes out nothing like that man. It comes out the gentlest thing I have ever heard in my own voice.

“Yes,” I tell him. “I am. I’m your daddy.”

Matthew takes this in with that grave, careful look of his. “Why didn’t you come before?” he asks. “Where were you?”

I could hurt Stevie with the right answer, and it would be so easy. I could drive a wedge between them that she might never remove. I don’t reach for it. I find I don’t even want it.

“Because your mother loves you very, very much. And she wanted to make sure you were safe and taken care of. Your mother thought I wasn’t ready to be your daddy, and she was right. I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?” he asks.

“I’m so sorry, Matthew. More than I know how to say.”

He thinks about this. Then, with the devastating simplicity only children have, he offers me a way to understand it that a child can grasp.