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Chapter thirty-five
Royce
Theo insisted the first thing they did when they got to the cabin was shower. Royce thought he meant they’d take turns. Instead, Theo had pulled him under the hot water with him. The cabin shower was small, and they kept bumping into each other, but Royce didn’t mind.
This might be the last time he’d see Theo naked, he might as well enjoy it. Although he wished Theo would stop hamming it up, saying how happy he was to see Royce as he washed the blood and dirt from Royce’s soiled skin.
He understood the gratitude, but he wished Theo wouldn’t. It was going to be hard enough when Theo realized what he’d said in the heat of the rescue and took his words back. This was just preemptively adding salt to the wounds.
When he’d found Theo there, in that wretched hole of a basement, Royce had been relieved, if not horrified, to see what his mate had been through. Then a whole other type of elation as Gage was brought down and their backup had arrived. None of that had prepared him to hear Theo’s declarations of mate bonds and forever.
It almost ripped his heart out, leaving it to bleed him to death in that desolate hellhole.
The traffickers were gone, the threat to Theo was over. He was free to live his life as he wished. Away from Royce.
The shower ran cold, and they were forced to subject themselves to the chilly cabin. Royce would need to relight the fires and stoke them to life before it got too late. Theo was sorting through the pile of clean laundry in the bathroom, trying to find something for each of them.
“We’ll need to update our system,” he said. “We should probably each have our own basket. Your sweats are just way too big for me.”
Royce didn’t respond. He could hardly breathe around the knife twisting his gut. For his part, Theo seemed utterly oblivious to Royce’s suffering. That was okay for now, he’d been through enough today.
Alternating between the different stoves in the cabin, Royce worked the fires to life. Meanwhile, Theo continued to prattle about updates to the cabin and their organizational systems to make life more comfortable.
“At some point we’ll need to rent a truck and get your stuff from the condo,” he said. “Or maybe we should wait on that. I’m not sure how cold this cabin gets in the winter. I might not be able to survive it.”
“Stop,” Royce choked out. “Please, just stop.”
“What’s wrong?”
“I can’t. I can’t do this right now.”
“I’m sorry, you’re right, you’re probably exhausted. I think I’m running on nothing but adrenaline and shock myself. We can shelve the cabin update planning for later.”
“That’s not what I meant.” Royce hung his head in defeat. He might as well rip the bandage off. “I can’t listen to this, you planning a future when I know you don’t mean any of it.”
“What? But I thought I told you …”
“I’m not holding you to that! I can’t hold you to anything you said tonight, not when you were in distress, not when you thought your life was on the line. People say things they don’t mean when they’re in situations like that.”
“Royce.” Theo’s voice was a whisper.
“I can’t hold you to anything you said,” he repeated. Royce had to squeeze his eyes shut against the sting in his eyes. “And I’d rather not pretend like you meant any of it, because it’ll just hurt worse. It’s okay, Theo, I know you didn’t mean it. I know you didn’t do it on purpose to hurt me, but I just can’t do this right now.”
There was movement behind him, and Theo’s presence settled in next to him on the floor in front of the flickering furnace.
“Can I tell you something?” Theo asked. Royce nodded. “Today, when I was walking Mutt, before everything … I was doing a lot of thinking. Serious thinking. That tends to happen at the end of each heat. After the intense brain fog, that first normal day is like a giant epiphany.
“Do you want to know what I was thinking about today? I was thinking about you, Royce. You, us, the bond, everything. I was thinking that you and I are more similar than I originally wanted to admit. In a good way. We complement each other.
“I was thinking that I want you in my life. I was thinking that this whole fated bond might actually be right. That you and I were meant for each other. That it was more than just those dirty hormones talking. At least that was about as far as I got before I got hit in the head.”
Royce forced his eyes open, staring at Theo through his swimming vision. Theo placed a hand to his jaw, turning Royce to face him head-on.
“Finding you when I did—you saved my life in more ways than one, and I’d like to do the same for you. So, you see, it wasn’t extreme duress-induced madness that made me say I wanted you to bite me,” Theo said. “It was joy. It was relief. It just so happened that we were in a dirty trafficker’s basement when I got the chance to tell you. Not exactly romantic, but I meant it all the same.”
Theo’s thumb wiped the tears that had spilled down Royce’s cheek, his skin smooth against his stubble.
“It took me a while to get over myself and realize it, but I do love you, Royce. And I’m finally in a place where I can accept our bond. I want you to bite me. But only if I’m allowed to bite you back.”
