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“I’ve been … trying since that last time, to not … involve you. I don’t—It doesn’t feel right. It makes me feel gross for asking you when I haven’t committed to you or anything yet. I’m sorry about that. I don’t want to use you.”

Royce wanted to say that his knot was at his omega’s beck and fucking call to use whenever he wanted, heat or no heat. But he didn’t because he couldn’t remember the last time someone was considerate of his feelings.

“I appreciate your concern; I’m not just saying that either.” Royce brushed the hair from Theodore’s face; not that he could see it well at this angle, he simply wanted an excuse to touch him. “I haven’t had a rut since my first one after puberty. But I remember how miserable it was. I know your body is feeling needy right now and you’re not doing anything to be cruel.”

“I’m not. I’m really not. The last thing I want to do is hurt you on purpose. Just because I don’t want a mate mark doesn’t mean I hate you or want to hurt you. You’ve been nothing but kind to me.”

“See, he likes us. Now let me bite him!”

“I’m doing everything I can to keep you out of this, but it’s been … a lot.”

“You don’t need to apologize for needing help,” Royce said. “I could give you a sappy line about alphas always taking care of their omegas, but I have a suspicion that won’t work on you.”

Theodore chuckled with him, and they went quiet for a while. Royce tried to snuggle his face into Theodore’s hair as subtly as he could. Holding the omega like his, his small body was soft yet muscular against his own hard edges, the delicious scent of him consuming Royce as it mixed with his own, creating something new and spectacular just for them. He never wanted his knot to go down.

“This is what I mean when I say I hate not being in control of my body. It’s my body, I should get to have some say over it. Instead, it’s making me act …”

“Like an omega?” Royce offered. “You don’t need to be ashamed of being in heat. It’s perfectly natural.”

“My instincts are making me crazy. I don’t even recognize myself. I’m exhausted, every bone in my body is killing me. I’m constantly covered in slick … even before all this, I took suppressors to the point where my heats were almost nonexistent.”

“That does sound pretty uncomfortable. At least your instincts don’t make you want to commit murder.”

“Fair,” Theodore conceded. “But if I ever got too needy and trusted the wrong alpha, or was alone when my scent was too strong, then I’d end up as the one getting murdered. Or abused so badly I’d wish I was.”

“Yeah, that’s gotta be pretty terrifying.” Royce’s stomach churned. The thought of Theo being in that position made him want to retch.

“Sometimes I wish I was a beta. Actually, most of the time,” Theo said.

“Hmmm, I think if you asked a beta, they’d have their own list of complaints.”

“It’s almost as if being miserable is a universal experience.”

“You’re such a ray of sunshine.”

“It’s my best quality,” Theodore quipped. “I actually acted like a giant jerk today. I made a comment about all this in front of Margarette. She reminded me betas go their whole life knowing they’re nothing special and can never have children.”

Royce let out a huff. Honestly, outside of work he didn’t have much contact with betas. But he wasn’t surprised some of them would feel that way.

“I felt terrible. I know I’m not Mr. Sunshine, but I try not to be an outright ass.”

“If you did it on purpose to upset her, then you’d be an outright ass.”

“That’s not the point. I think we all get a little too obsessed with the grass being greener for everyone else. At least I do.”

“I’m sure she knows you didn’t mean anything by it.” Royce paused. There was something Dr. Shera had mentioned days ago that’d been wriggling in the back of his mind; was now a good time to bring it up? “When Dr. Shera came by this evening, did she talk to you about …”

“About me damaging my body so much I’m infertile? Yeah.”

“How do you—have you processed that?”

“A bit. Honestly though? I know it’s supposed to be some big emotional reveal, but I don’t feel much about it. I’m thirty-two and not once have I pictured myself as a dad or even having a family. How can I be sad about something I never wanted?” Theo huffed. “I’m not sure if that’s the right way to put it. Did you? Imagine yourself having kids, I mean.”

Royce hummed. “Maybe at one point I did, but I’d stopped picturing a future for myself a while ago.”

“Why?”

“I dunno, I guess in a way I’d given up hope.”