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“Can’t have. This isn’t heaven.”

“Then it must be hell.”

“Perhaps.” He sighed and squeezed harder. “Is that what has you so upset? That you died?”

“Seems like a sensible thing to be upset about.”

“It is. But it was only temporary, didn’t seem to stick. So, nothing to be upset about. Did you kill the spider?”

“Yes.”

“A great warrior lays in my arms. I’m proud of you.” He nuzzled my hair, and soft sparks followed the course of his nose against my scalp. “What else happened?”

“I . . . I can’t talk about it yet.”

The tingles ran down my spine and settled somewhere near where I might have tombstones.

“But you will tell me? Eventually?”

“Yes. Eventually.”

“You can trust me, Sóna. I know it often feels like you cannot, but I have never lied to you, and I intend on never doing so.” He tucked his nose into the crook of my bare neck and placed a single firework of a kiss that sizzled across every nerve in my body there. “I cherish you, Sóna Mac Raith.”

My throat seized up, choking off the response I should have given him. I should tell him I hate him. I should tell him I need him. I should tell him that, when he’s not near me, I feel like I am losing my mind.

“Rest,” he murmured, and the lights dimmed until we were cradled into darkness.

I let my eyes slide closed. Let the sense of comfort and the security of knowing nothing could or would harm me while he held me, rock me to sleep.

When I awoke again, I was still in his arms. Time had no meaning anymore, and I was an aching, hollow body.

“I know you don’t want to talk, little bug. But can I talk at you?” He was whispering the depth of his voice rumbling my back.

I nodded as a response. He was right. I didn’t want to talk. I didn’t want to feel better. I wanted to wallow in my misery. The last shred of hope had been torn from me by some cruelty I didn’t understand, and all I had left to me was the hatred burning in my heart.

“I know that whatever happened in those tunnels has sunk its fangs into you. I know it’s not the spider, though we will soon need to get you up and get that wound cleaned. I don’t know what it was but know that, whatever happened down there, in the dark, I will be here for you. When you want to talk, when you want to scream, when you want to hit or bite or slash, I will be here for you. Nothing you can do or say can make me leave your side. It might seem that way, but there are things you don’t know, little bug. Things I can’t tell you yet. I know you know what oaths are and how they can bind a Fae to certain paths. When I can, I will tell you everything. Right now is not the time. But even the oaths I have sworn will not keep me from you.”

“I’m not your girlfriend, Raven.” I opened my eyes and watched the way the dim light played across the broken pieces of his furniture.

“No, you’re not. You’re more than that.” The band of his arms tightened.

“I’m just a daoire to the Ard Rí you’ve got a particularly strange obsession with. You’ll get over it.”

“Is that what you truly think?” I felt him rise behind me, saw his face hovering above me. His hair was unbound for the first time since I had met him, letting the gold strands glitter in the soft light. Pain, anger, and disbelief sparkled in his forest eyes.

“Did I do that?”

“What?” he snapped.

“Your room. Did I do this? I don’t remember trashing your place. If I did, I’m sorry.”

“You’re deflecting.”

I rolled to my back, wincing as my weight fell flat on my wound without any support. “And? Does it matter? What do you want from me, Raven? Do you want me to crack open my chest and let you finger-fuck my soul? Will it make you feel better about the way I come for you when you’re slicing me up? Will it make you feel better if I tell you I love you and you pimp me out to your friends? Will it make you feel better about holding me prisoner if, every time you see me, I’m on my knees and worshipping the ground you walk on? Will you feel like a big man if the untouchable, bitter Golden Pearl of the Ard Rí sucks your cock better than she sucked the King’s? Tell me Raven, what the fuck do you want from me? Because, frankly, I’ve got nothing fucking left to give so tell me so I can give it to you and you can leave me the fuck alone.”

I regretted the words the moment the poison daggers of them fell from my lips. I regretted the way they twisted his face with agony. I wanted to smooth it away. To apologize. To tell him I didn’t mean any of it. I wanted to whisper to him that I cherished him, too. I wanted to tell him about my mother. I wanted to tell him about my past so that he would understand how deep that knife had slid into me when it sliced her flesh. I needed him to know it all. I wanted to crack open my chest and pull out my heart, lay it at his feet, and tell him to take better care of it than I had.

“Oh, sweet little bug, bite all you want. I know what you’re doing.” He had put his gloves back on sometime while I was sleeping, and the soft suede of them dragged down the back of my cheek. “I was you too. I still am, in some ways. Bite before they bite you. Cut before they cut you. Rip and tear before they do the same to you. It makes us perfect warriors, perfect weapons to turn against our enemies. But I am not your enemy, Sóna, and you’ll figure that out eventually. Even if that takes a thousand years, you will figure that out.”