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"These happened in June. She grabbed on, and didn't know who I was, just that she wanted out. For an old lady, she has considerable hand strength."

She looks at them, but doesn't reach for them.

"Took her to the hospital a little over a week ago, and they found out she had a UTI. It was pretty bad. Evidently, that can make the confusion worse. I made the decision right then and there that being close to me wasn't as good as being in her familiar setting and routine."

I take another bite of fish and set my fork down. We're both quiet for a solid minute.

"Did I hear she got back last night? Mom had no idea she was coming back."

"We landed yesterday afternoon and came straight to Sabal. She's on another round of antibiotics, and she's already less agitated than she was in Wyoming."

I take a drink.

"Manny thinks being back in the building, around people she knows and on her old routine, will help her settle and maybe get some of her old self back."

Mackie sets her lemonade down. "Why didn't you tell anybody how bad it got? You moved her back, and I talk to you every two weeks. You never mentioned any of it."

I look down at my plate.

"It's been a lot, but I don't know what telling people would've changed."

She studies me.

"That's how I've always handled things," I say and shrug my shoulders.

She doesn't fill the silence, so I do.

"The truth is, she started going downhill almost as soon as I got her to Wyoming. I kept telling myself she needed time to adjust, but by June it was bad enough I couldn't pretend that anymore."

"Damn, Carson."

She looks down at the table for a second.

"That's a lot to carry by yourself."

"I thought having her closer to me would be better for her."

She doesn't tell me I did my best. She doesn't touch my arm or try to comfort me.

"The forty minutes was for me."

I push a fry through the ketchup and leave it there.

"I didn’t see it that way at first."

"What do they say now?"

"Her building, her people, and a dependable routine are what she needs now. It’s basically what the social worker told me at Christmas. I thought I knew better."

"That isn't what you did. You moved someone you love who is sick closer because you thought she'd be better there. That's not the same thing as doing something selfish."

"It's what it cost her, though."

She reaches across the table, takes two fries off my plate, and eats them without asking. My eyes stay on her mouth longer than they should. I force them back to my plate when I catch myself.

The waitress drops the check. Mackie's hand goes for it immediately, but I get there first.

"I told you I was taking you to lunch, remember?"