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It was definitely the deadliest.

I watched him intently for some sign. Words. Anything.

“Right,” he sighed.

That was it? ‘Right?’

“Roy, what happens when he realizes I’m not gone? What happens if he suggests that I am dead, like to my father or…” I shoved my hand through my hair and tried to keep a grip on my last few grains of patience. “This is a Band-Aid on a gaping-ass wound.”

Penny had the kind of presence that was felt long before she was seen, I turned instinctively toward the kitchen archway and there she was, hugging an oversized coffee mug. A warm, thoughtful smile fluttered, but never fully took hold. The soft lines at the corner of her eyes suddenly looked more due to worry, than a life of laughter and love.

That one little glance made me realize she was as exhausted as I felt.

“She’s right, Roy. You know it. We all do.” A silence lay between us for several breaths before Penny resorted to pleading, “Take her with you. Ride away from all of this.”

Her gaze darted between us until I suddenly wasn’t sure who she was trying to convince, me or Roy.

“The Saints can figure it out. You two would never have to look at any of them again. You could–”

“Mom,” he snapped, shutting her up effortlessly.

She blinked once. Twice.

I thought for sure she was going to weep.

“You have no idea how freeing it is to step away,” she began again, making direct eye contact with me while she said it. Her determined gaze was dry. Her tone was gentle, motherly; there was no evidence of the frantic creature she’d been moments ago.

I was captivated.

She might as well have screamed those words. I heard them in my mother’s voice. The auditory hallucination scared me so badly. I thought I’d lost my goddamn mind for a moment.

Maybe I had.

I closed my eyes against the sound of her voice.

“I did it. I left. You can, too, honey.” Her warm, soft hands tenderly framed my face.

I shook from the inside out and my hot tears baptized her slender fingers.

“Okay,” I whispered, my voice cracking despite the fact that I was barely capable of lending air to that single word.

“Jesus!” Roy exploded, jerking the sensation away.

I gasped, and abruptly opened my eyes.

He was inches from her, open disbelief spelled out on his features. He led her back a few paces by the wrist.

I wasn’t sure what had happened.

Was I overstressed and slowly going mad?

Was my sugar low?

Did I just experience some kind of spiritual event?

“Breathe. Breathe, Kenny,” Roy encouraged, his large, heavy hand strumming up and down my back.

The use of that nickname snapped me out of my distant, overwhelmed mental space enough to realize I was hyperventilating.