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“He can’t be dead. He can’t be dead!”

The words tumbled out between breaths I couldn’t catch.

“I can’t... I can’t lose both of them. I can’t. Please. Please don’t tell me he’s dead.”

Her eyes filled with sympathy.

That made me scream again.

I didn’t want her sympathy. I wanted my Dad.

They tried to guide me into the hallway, but the second the study disappeared from view, panic exploded through me again.

“No, wait! Wait, I can’t leave him!”

“Ma’am, you’re not leaving him.”

“He’s alone!”

“The paramedics are with him.”

I tried to turn back, sobbing so hard the words kept catching in my throat.

“Oh my God.”

They got me into the foyer somehow. I didn’t remember walking there. One moment I was outside the study and the next I was sitting on the bottom stair with my whole body trembling, crying so hard I couldn’t catch my breath. Someone handed me water. I couldn’t hold the glass without spilling it, so they took it away.

I kept looking toward the hallway.

Every few seconds another wave hit me, and I would remember all over again that Dad wasn’t going to come walking out of that room. I pressed both hands over my face and sobbed until my stomach hurt.

“I want my dad.”

An officer crouched near me. “I know. When was the last time you saw him?”

“Sunday.”

“Did you speak to him after that?”

“No.”

The word dissolved into another sob.

“I called yesterday. He didn’t answer.”

“Was there a reason you hadn’t spoken during the week?”

I shook my head and wiped uselessly at my face.

“I left. I got mad and I left him.”

“Did your father seem depressed or say anything that made you concerned for his safety?”

“No.”

I looked at him immediately.

“No. He wasn’t... Dad wouldn’t...”