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Lily’s smile is blinding, Liam clinging to her side up on her hip. The seven-year-old is almost too big for her to carry.
A flash hits me then, of Lily with another kid on her hip, one who looks just like us and I take a quick mental picture of the hypothetical so I can hang on to it. Just in case.
“You’re here,” I whisper, but I know they can’t hear it, can’t even see my lips moving, so I take off my cage. A grin starts to pull at my cheeks when I see my number on both her and Liam’s cheeks.
Liam is shouting and howling, and I grin back at him. Sahara is behind them both laughing, sending me a quick wave and a blushing smile.
She told me she was going to come, but people say that a lot. Maybe it’s only now that I’m realizing I didn’t expect her to follow through. No one really has before. Not for me.
I reach my fist up and punch the glass where Liam can bump his little hand to mine. Lily does the same and it makes my cheeks hurt from the grin I’m now sporting.
Still, I can feel the sting and the stretch of my abdomen just from that, mostly my obliques. I knew I should’ve taken more pills, but I was banking on it feeling better after Lily’s extensive warm lavender milk bath from last night, the only reprieve I’ve had from the pain.
I bump my fist on the glass one last time for Liam, then press my other glove for Lily to put her hand there. Like she always has.
Heading back to the locker room for another quick, secret reup on pain meds, I come up short at the sight before me.
“Holy shit.”
Bennett is having a panic attack. Or at least, something like it. Big shoulders heavy under sobbing, choked breaths, his chest pad half ripped off his upper body.
He barely lifts his chin toward me and I toss my cage off onto the floor, heading straight for him, dropping to my knees.
“Fuck, Reiner,” I say, trying to keep my voice as calm as I can. “Breathe. Are you okay if I touch you?”
He nods shakily, but that’s all I need.
I wrap my arms around his shoulders, squeezing as tightly as I can, grimacing at the stretch of the tender skin on my abdomen. Fuck that hurts.
Bennett’s breath calms slightly, but not enough, so I move my hands to his arms and squeeze down the muscles toward his hands, guessing from past experience, they’ve gone numb.
It didn’t happen often as teens, but as kids, Lily had panic attacks a lot. And I’d spent some time in the school library looking things up, enough that the librarian noticed and I’d ended up in the counselor’s office having to explain why I wanted to know, then taking note of every piece of advice she offered.
“Can you breathe with me? Like this?”
I take a slow breath in and out, counting in my head slowly. Then again.
And again. Until his match mine. It would be easier to lay my chest to his and do it, but I know that unlike Lily, Bennett doesn’t particularly like touch.
“There ya go. All good.”
Rhys comes back in then, his eyes wide as he takes us in. “What—”
“Shut up and come here, Koteskiy,” I say quietly. “You’re his best friend. He needs you, not me.”
I step back and watch them for a moment, trying to decide if I grab for pain meds now or just leave it alone. Rhys has the eyes of a hawk normally, but he’s a bit distracted. Then again, so am I, filled with worry over our big, usually steady goalie. Minutes before our biggest game of the year begins.
“How did you know?” Bennett asks, his voice much calmer.
“I . . . um.” I cross my arms and clear my throat. “My best friend used to have them a lot. Not like panic attacks exactly, but something similar. I’ve— I saw you needed help.” I shrug and point my thumb over my shoulder. “I’m gonna just—”
Heading back through the tunnel, I grab Harris’s attention and tell him to get Paloma and Bennett’s dad, gathering everyone quickly without causing too much alarm as we head back in.
Once Bennett has everyone at his side, he seems calmer, and I head back to warm up, leaving them to have their private moment.
• • •
“Fucking McKill,” Freddy snaps, hitting his stick on the boards by our bench. “If he swipes at me again, I’m gonna lay him flat.”
