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“I’m not hungry.”

I laugh, nervousness swirling. “Me either.”

I am. But not for food. For her—all of her. I want to savor every inch of her skin and indulge in her until I’m overfull. Until the obsessive thoughts start to ebb away.

My fingers dust across her thigh.

“Can I run you a hot shower? It’s cold.”

She smiles. “Only if you’ll shower with me.”

I nod, standing a little abruptly and reaching to carry her. Her excited giggle rips through me like a burst of adrenaline. “Hold on to me.”

Chapter 44

THEN: Freshman Year, November

Paloma

Bennett carries me through the house and up the stairs, sitting me down on the dark marble countertop of the master bathroom. He turns on the shower and steam from the warm water starts to fill the entire space.

I grab for his shirt when he walks past me to get a few towels, pulling him in for a devouring kiss. He smiles into my mouth and pulls back.

“I smell like a bonfire.” His hand strokes my cheek, fingertips in my hair.

“Mmm.” I pull him in between my legs, kissing his neck. “I don’t care. I want you.”

He laughs and the sound makes my soul feel lighter.

“You have me,” he vows. “Always.”

I let him go so he can fiddle with everything until it’s exactly as he likes it.

“You can get in,” he finally says before turning to face the wall so I can undress.

He follows in behind me, both of us naked, though neither of us looking. I stare toward the tiled wall, letting his warmth and size cover my back entirely as he steps into the steaming shower.

“I want to take you here, under the water,” Bennett rasps into my ear, his hands slowly moving through my hair, washing it. “Where you feel safe and warm.”

My eyes close, heart clenching, pliantly relaxing in his strong hold beneath the hot spray.

“But I can’t be slow. And, selfishly, I want our first time to be in a bed.” He nips at my ear, and I shiver. “But . . . next time?”

I peek over my shoulder at him to find a boyish gleaming grin blooming that I’ve never seen on him. He’s so handsome it makes my chest ache. He turns me toward him, my chest to his. His fingers grip my chin lightly, tilting it up so that he can rinse the suds from my hair.

And I can’t stop looking at him. The words spill, flowing easily from my lips.

“I need you to know that you are the first person I’ve chosen for myself. That this is the first time that I’ve . . . that I’ve wanted this,” I confess. Maybe it’s not true. Sometimes it’s hard for me to remember what happened, to know it wasn’t my fault. That even though I didn’t fight outright, I didn’t want that.

He hurt you, I try to tell myself, but the voice that’s darker, more sinister, screams back, You asked for it.

My stomach swirls again, the heat of the shower making me feel dizzy. But I hold on to Bennett. His jaw is clenched tight, eyes swirling blue fire, but he doesn’t interrupt. Every line of his body feels sharper, and I feel calmer, safer, at the change.

Having him here, with me, is enough to silence my mind into tranquil calm.

“I’ve never wanted anything more than this,” I say, reaching up to press my lips to his hungrily, distracting him as best I can from the deep confession I’ve uttered in the safety of the water and his arms.

The water is still warm as he cuts off the shower, grabbing a towel and covering my shoulders, never once looking down. Even though I wish he would. He wraps one around his own waist before looking back up at me, helping wring out my hair and pulling me close, hugging me in my towel to keep me warm.