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“Paloma?”
She looks up at me. But her eyes make me pause. Red and watery, dazed as she slowly takes me in. She bites her lip, head tipping to the side.
“Are you . . . Paloma, are you drunk?” She doesn’t drink. This is wrong. Help her—
She stumbles into the wall. “I’m fine.”
“Come on, I’m taking you home.”
“No,” she snaps out, eyes lighting up.
For a moment, I don’t know her. She’s not the same, and every second of this moment feels like a splinter in my skin. Seeing her again but not really seeing her, my Paloma—it’s like loss.
Like grief.
“Leave me alone,” she says. Her voice drops further. “Please.”
The last word is a whimpered plea and it runs across my skin like water, cooling down my surprisingly overheated temper.
“P,” I breathe, and because I can’t stop myself—“Please, let me take you home, love.”
The word pours from my lips. She flinches away from me, eyes going dark before she tips them down, away from my beseeching gaze.
“Bennett, stop.”
“You don’t drink, Paloma.” I seethe, temper rising again. “Something is wrong.”
“You don’t know me. I’m—I’m not—”
“Please just let me take care of you.” It slips out before I can think, before I can even realize what I’ve asked.
“I don’t need you,” she spits. The words are angry, like we’re both feeding off the pain of this moment in this stupid dark hallway. “Fuck. Off.”
She stumbles away from me, eyes wide. As if she’s just as shocked by her own words.
I watch her leave again. Somehow, I think it hurts worse.
• • •
We win Frozen Four.
I get black-out drunk and hate myself when I wake up in bed with someone new. Two things I’ve never done before, all in one night. I check my phone obsessively all day and night, cleaning and mowing the lawn despite the frozen ground, avoiding the worried looks from Rhys, the only one to notice how many of my compulsions I’m indulging in.
I don’t sleep.
Paloma shows up to the party at the Hockey Dorms when we get back. I watch her quietly from my usual corner spot, heart aching. I’m desperate for her, even if it’s only like this.
Did you see me on TV? I wonder. Do you miss me? Do you long for me, too?
She finds someone to dance with. I call a car home.
I don’t see her again for six months.
Chapter 54
NOW
Bennett
