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I hear the sharp intake of her breath. “No.”

I frowned. No. Just “no”. From my research, humans fell in love with regularity. Most human females Abby’s age would have been in love at least two or three times. Maybe she was more like an orc than I’d thought.

“Me neither. This is the first time. There have been females I have found attractive or interesting, but this is…more. I want to court her, to win her heart, but I’m afraid. I’m not sure what to do.”

Abby’s voice turned warm. “I absolutely understand the fear thing, but you’re a sweet guy, Bwat. You’re handsome, are clearly sporting an impressive package, and you’re kind and sweet. Any woman would be honored to know you are interested in her.”

Any woman. Did she mean she would be honored? She found me handsome and kind and sweet, although I still didn’t understand this whole obsession with carrying around parcels.

“What do orcs do when they are interested in a woman?” she asked.

That was easy. “Gift them food. Prepare them dinner and feed them. Bring them the head of their enemy.”

But human females? Ozar had seemed to achieve success with his tooth and the Starbucks gift cards, but Jordan, his mate, had responded strongly to traditional orc courtship gifts as well.

Abby laughed. “Okay, well the food thing is similar to what humans do. Not so much the head of an enemy though. I don’t recommend that. Take her out to dinner. Or lunch. Or coffee. That’s a good start.”

Ozar had also decided against delivering the head of Jordan’s enemy. It had been a wise choice since it was difficult to know exactly who a human female might consider an enemy.

“What would you do if you had interest in a male?” I asked, wanting to be able to recognize if Abby was returning my affections or not.

“Hide under my bed and never speak to him.”

That was absolutely different than what my research on human female mating customs had told me. Why would she avoid a male she was attracted to? Why would she go to such lengths as crawling under furniture?

Then it hit me. I was afraid to show Abby I loved her because the idea of rejection was terrifying. She might feel the same way.

“Why hide when you are attracted to a male?” I asked her. “Perhaps he feels the same way and is just as afraid to show his feelings as you are. Both the male and the female need to be brave.”

I was such a hypocrite. Hiding under my own version of a bed, afraid that Abby would reject me, instead of courting her with courage like Ozar was doing with Jordan. Even after she had rejected his proposal of marriage, he’d had hope and continued to converse with her, and now they seemed to have repaired whatever rift their relationship had suffered.

“It’s not fear, Bwat. It’s just….”

Abby paused for a long moment and I kept silent and waited for her to continue.

“I don’t feel it, Bwat. I’ve dated some amazing guys, and they’ve clearly been into me, but I never feel that zing. And the ones I’ve felt instant zing for? That’s quickly faded. Maybe I’m broken. Maybe something’s wrong with me. I’ve never been in love. I’ve never looked across the room, met someone’s gaze, and felt as if my heart were instantly tethered to theirs.”

My heart was absolutely tethered to Abby’s because I felt her anguish deep in my chest. Human females loved at a glance, and often had many incidents of love in their lives. But orcs were different.

Maybe Abby was different as well.

“We orcs are the same as you,” I confessed. “We have pleasure with others, and feel both a friendship and sexual attraction many times in our lives. Love is not something that happens often, though. With some orcs, it is only once. With a few lucky ones it is twice. Many never feel love, they build relationships with another based on respect, friendship, and attraction. And for those, that foundation does sometimes build to love.”

“But so many of my friends have experienced love. Jordan and Ozar…” she made a pfft noise, “I shouldn’t talk about it with you, but the whole mate bond thing is such a turn-on. I want that. I desperately want that. But I’m beginning to think it’s just a fantasy that I’ll never experience.”

I caught my breath, feeling suddenly dizzy. Mate bond. I’d been hiding under my own bed, trying to restrain what I felt for Abby by just calling it love. It was more than love. It was so much more than love. And that frightened me to the core.

“I don’t know how a mate bond works in humans, but in orcs it is a strong connection. It is a once-in-a-lifetime feeling. And it is something that an orc cannot recover from. A rejected mate bond often results in a wasting away, a death. Few continue on if they cannot be with their mate.”

“I don’t know how a mate bond would work in humans either,” Abby said. “I don’t even know personally how love works in humans. But I want that. I desperately want that. And I fear that I’ll never get it, that I’m going to be alone the rest of my life. Or settle for something less, just so I’m not left out when all my friends are married and having families and I’m still that single woman spending every moment of her life on her career. Not that I don’t love my career. I do love it. And even if a miracle occurred and I managed to find love with someone, I wouldn’t want to give up my career.”

The tightness in my chest eased just a bit.

“I hope you feel love one day, Abby. And I hope the male you love is worthy of you because I think you are an incredible female. You are beautiful and brilliant and capable. You are amazing, and whoever you love should feel blessed by the mountain gods. They should write poetry about you, sing of your beauty, bring you the very best of the hunt and harvest. They should worship you in bed each night, and spend their life as your lover, your partner, and your best friend.”

Abby let out a breathless laugh. “Thanks, Bwat. I wish that for you too.”

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