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“I do understand that. Both my brother and Aunt Susan have reminded me of that very fact. Will you think back to your childhood, were you a confident child?”

“Was a confident child? Hmm. When I think of my childhood there is a clear divide when I was 10.”

“We have time today; Lady Maria is out visiting. Will you share it with me?”

“Let us freshen up and I will order a pot of hot tea then I will start my tale of life in the wilds of Hertfordshire.”

The two young ladies giggled and within 10 minutes they were back in the parlour, the late winter sun bright if not yet warm.

“I was an active child, much to my mother’s despair. I would sit and read with my father, spending time with him was always wonderful, but I enjoyed the outdoors even more. I was constantly accused by my mother of being a hoyden, and at times there may have been some truth to that. So I had a fun childhood, calm in my father’s study reading endlessly, but then off exploring our estate. I stayed in the garden until I was eight but after that I wandered further afield. I was aided in this by the fact I had a sister two years older and a neighbour who is seven years older.

“During the summer after my 10th birthday I was sitting writing at my father’s desk. He in turn was working at the estate ledgers and made an exasperated noise. I went round to his side of the desk and asked him to show me what was frustrating him.”

Elizabeth stopped and thought for a moment.

“You asked about confidence, and as I recount this tale I believe this is the start of what you see as my confidence.”

“How do you mean?”

“I am good at simple arithmetic. I had seen the ledgers from a distance but this was the first time I had ever seen the detail. And that morning I spotted two errors and when father turned the pages to the previous quarter I found two more. I did not yet have the knowledge of what the numbers represented but I could see the mistakes my father had made. I assisted him after the Michaelmas quarter and then spent many days that autumn going back through previous quarters and years. My father had fudged the numbers in several quarters and I redrafted the Longbourn ledgers going back five years. From that moment on I was responsible for maintaining the ledgers for the estate. It gave me a sense that I was doing something important, helping my father, helping the family.

“Confidence is doing something, doing it well and being recognised for it. As I say that, I am not sure that is completely accurate, but I think it was true for 10 year old me. And at 12 years of age that confidence was further reinforced when I started to perform the same task for my uncle, Sir Edward.”

“You were preparing the ledgers for your uncle’s business?”

“I was assisting at first, let me explain. My aunt had been assisting him but as their family grew she had less time to devote to helping the business. They knew that I had started to help my father and during their visit at Christmas ’03 my uncle asked if I could be spared for three weeks each quarter to assist him. So from the end of January 1804 I would spend three weeks each quarter in London doing exactly that. At the same time he started my education into what all the different amounts represented. I knew many of the categories from the Longbourn ledgers but Uncle Edward explained what they meant, what was good, what was bad, how to look at a number and compare it to previous quarters, what the differences meant.

“Again, I was helping my family, being given a responsibility but also being taught to look deeper into the numbers, working to understand what they meant.”

Elizabeth turned pensive.

“I will share some of my home life but please do not talk of this with anyone else.”

Georgiana immediately agreed, fascinated by this tale.

“This continued from the age of 10 right through until I was 16. It sounds all very positive, being given such a responsibility at a young age. But you can already see that it is hardly the normal education for a gentle-born young lady. My mother was not the most supportive of my spending time on the ledgers. She tried to ensure that during the other two months of each quarter that I learned the normal feminine accomplishments.”

Elizabeth paused and sighed before carrying on.

“She was not a patient or positive teacher. There were times when I felt I could do nothing that would satisfy her. We clashed daily when I was at Longbourn and there more than a few tears of frustration shed. I am not the first daughter that has fought with her mother, and I will not be the last. However, there is a reason my mother was so obsessed with turning me into a ‘normal’ young lady. Our estate is entailed away from the female line. With only five daughters, and unable to bear any more children, she was worried about the future. As every year passes this worry has increased. Her way of dealing with her worry and anxiety is to expect her daughters to marry well.

“Jane came out in our local society at the age of 15. I was able to delay my coming out until I was 16 and if fate had not intervened then I would have come out at the end of the summer in ’07. But then we received the news of the dreadful accident that claimed the life of my aunt and so grievously injured my uncle. Within a minute, two minutes, I had resolved to come to London to assist him. Is that confidence? I do not know. In fact, let me ask you, was I confident or foolhardy?”

Georgiana was on the spot.

“Did you have doubts?”

“About what I faced? Yes, without question. My thoughts are so clouded and obscured by what has passed in the last five years it is difficult to remember how I felt at the time. My memory says that the family needed immediate help and some help was better than none. I knew my cousins very well, I was a guest in the house every quarter, and I knew the servants.”

“As I think about it, my response is that you were neither confident or foolhardy just responding to a tragedy as best you could. There must have been some confidence there, and your parents must have had some confidence in you.”

“That is a good point. I was not just laughed away, I was allowed to come to London.”

Elizabeth looked over at Georgiana.

“Does that help explain things. My confidence came from circumstances, mostly through my ability with numbers which is God-given as I have had no formal training.”

“I can see how your circumstances would lead you to be more confident. Are you going to stop your tale there? Will you not talk of the last four and a half years?”