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Whereas he’d done anything to embarrass his father. The jerk valued public perception almost more than he valued money. But money won and as Alex had proven good at making the stuff, he’d been tolerated.

‘Surely the palace wouldn’t have minded a boyfriend—you didn’t need to go full nun.’

‘I’m not ready for a relationship. I’m not sure I ever will be.’ She narrowed her eyes at his reaction. ‘You don’t have them either, right? Why is that okay for you and not me?’

Because she was much nicer. She would be kind.

‘You don’t want to have a family or children?’ He didn’t want to believe her.

Her gaze remained direct. ‘I need to be careful about who I’d consider doing that with. And when.’

He swallowed. He had his own—never to be told—reasons to reject the traditional route. ‘So all that adds up to a deliberate choice not to date.’

‘A deliberate choice not to cause trouble. Or at least not any more than my mere existence caused.’ She stiffened. ‘I know you thought I wanted to play fairy-tale princess. That I had my grip on a title and wasn’t giving it up for anything. Truth is, I didn’t have much choice. I don’t have the cushion of a real crown like yours. Or the cushion of a trust fund like Erik. I have nothing. I hadn’t even finished school when your father moved us to the palace. When Mum left, I didn’t want to be abandoned aged sixteen. All my life I’ve been terrified of messing everything up for her again.’

He frowned. ‘Again? What do you mean?’

Hurt flashed in her eyes. ‘Why do you want to know what it’s like to be too scared to say or do anything?’

He tensed at the immediate unbidden memories of cramp and damp. Afraid for her. ‘Scared of what?’

‘Of not knowing whether you’re going to stay in one place or be uprooted to somewhere else before you can say goodbye. To be blamed for ruining all her apparent “chances”. I never knew whether she’d take me with her because when the plan went wrong it was always my fault. Every relationship, every job that didn’t work out was somehow my fault.’ Tears filled her eyes and she shook her head. ‘You’ve never known what it’s like to worry about when your next meal is. Whether you’re going to be in this town for another week, let alone another year. You’ve been brilliant enough to make your own billions, but you got the initial boost because of your privilege, so you do not get to judge me.’

‘I’m sorry. I am, Tilly,’ he said. ‘I had no idea you weren’t close to her.’

She threw him an aghast look. ‘She abandoned me.’

‘I thought you chose to stay.’

‘She didn’t tell me she was going. She just ran off in the middle of the night with her new lover, having decided being a queen was a bit more difficult than she’d realised. I hoped she’d phone to send for me a week or so later and she did, but only to say she wasn’t coming back, that I was old enough to be on my own. Their plane crashed later that day. Your father said to keep the reason why she’d left a secret. Our secret. He would take care of me. No one knew she’d jilted both of us. Of course there were whispers. You knew about the pilot.’

‘I figured my father deserved it,’ he said huskily.

She dragged in a shuddering breath. ‘Well, now you also know that she never really wanted me. I was a band-aid baby meant to be the miracle fix-it glue to stick her and my dad’s marriage back together. Spoiler, that didn’t happen. Then she was stuck with me. I was a hindrance. Then competition. I’m not interested in making the same mistakes as her. I’m only having a child if I’m secure and happy. And even then only maybe. If it happens I’m definitely doing my best to ensure they don’t feel insecure about the basics. That they don’t exist just to please someone or keep a relationship alive, or some other stupid aim, and made to feel a failure when it inevitably doesn’t work. Any child of mine will only be born from love and unburdened by anything else. So yes, when I was left with your father I accepted his deal. I kept my head down and that wasn’t to suck up or get more out of him. I took what I was given but I never asked for anything more. I wanted to pay him back for his generosity. That was partly why I stayed. But when he wanted to use me in some weird deal with Francesco, it showed he had no real interest or care in me. It didn’t matter to him that I’d worked my butt off for so long trying to earn my place, trying to…’

‘Be perfect.’

‘I guess.’

He’d been blind. So wilfully, stupidly blind. Bitterness burned in his chest. ‘And then your only way out was to let me use you as a pawn too.’

‘No. You offered and I agreed.’ She lifted her chin proudly. ‘And at least your offer was honest. You didn’t pretend you were helping me out of kindness. You just wanted to aggravate your father for reasons only you know.’

She was right. And never had he felt such regret.

Chapter Thirteen

‘Get up, sleepyhead.’ Alex set a mug of coffee on the bedside table, amused as Tilly looked indignant. ‘Time for a riding lesson.’

‘Didn’t I just have one?’ She batted her lashes before her smile slipped free.

‘This time you’re riding Trevor.’ Alex rode most mornings and he needed the fresh air to think.

‘Oh, no.’ Her expression changed comically. ‘He’s too big—’

‘You can handle big things.’ He waggled his brows. ‘Ooff.’ He caught the pillow she tossed at his head and laughed. ‘Come on. Dare you.’

He forced himself to his study while she dressed. He sent instructions to his groom then scrolled through some of the million messages he’d been ignoring. Erik had checked in again to make sure everything was okay. It wasn’t, but Alex sent a message of reassurance back. He wanted his brother to enjoy his relationship so didn’t mention his suspicions about their father. Two days had passed since the second horror video had gone online. No public response from Domenico this time—no censure, no support either. No more messages to Tilly since the initial flurry. Alex needed more information—some kind of evidence—before he could act. And right now Alex just wanted to see Tilly smile—avoidance and distraction of the best kind. She’d become even more enthusiastic about rectifying her inexperience and, while he was beyond happy to experiment with her, at the same time his curiosity about her deepened. He’d judged her on weak stereotypes—refused to look beyond the superficial and consider the subtleties, never appreciating or seeing the difficulties she faced. He understood that she’d been too scared to speak up, but he couldn’t tell her how well he knew that feeling. That scalding shame could never see the light. Fact was, he’d been a useless brother to Erik. He’d effectively abandoned them both—too fixated on ensuring his own independence. More solid proof he’d never be a good husband for real. Never a father. If Tilly ever wanted those things, it couldn’t be with him. But there was one thing he could do for her now—give her the freedom and financial security to make her own choices without caveat. She should find a place where she finally felt safe.