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And maybe that was my most important experience as a vampire—the moment I became one.

Lux

Three days of scraping through Torstad’s forest on the edges of Mara and at the heels of a masked man would haunt me for the rest of my life, not because of the wolves whose howls triggered a traumatic memory from one of my past lives, not even because I collapsed three times, fainting on the third from sheer exhaustion, but because of the screaming.

Screaming that echoed through the woods every night.

Screaming I had to learn to block out to practice my foresight. Every time we stopped, I worked on my focus, slowly, gradually building this power Axel had helped me train, and though he was no longer here, his advice strengthened my foresight until I could almost entirely block out the horrifying cries for help.

Almost.

“Ignore it,” Finan grunted as he caught me shuddering. “If the vampires are eating villagers and captives, they’re not eating us.”

Disgust curled in my stomach, but the icy night swept away all thoughts of abandoning Finan. He was our guide, and since he hadn’t betrayed us yet, I granted him a sliver of my trust, following him dutifully until my foot caught on a root and pitched me forward.

I thought my fingers would snap off when I splayed my hands out against the hard-packed earth to catch myself. My hands were beyond freezing, and though Drak’s soul helped warm me, it wasn’t enough against Vylheim’s winter. This was no longer divine punishment; it was simply the harsh reality of winter, a constant challenge in our isolated region that we had always faced.

Another desperate, hollow scream shattered the night as a vampire somewhere pulled another victim into the darkness. This was Silver’s kingdom: constant horror, vampires eating whoever they found, people living in fear and pain. Nighttime was invariably the most challenging, but vampires still hunted during many winter days, as the sun hid behind dense, black clouds. Even without the cover, Stasia informed us that most wore the protective fashions seamstresses in Mara’s Keep designed so they could go outside whenever they pleased.

Winter’s frozen finger drew a path of goosebumps down my spine. Or was it fear? I couldn’t decide if I shivered from the icy wind cutting through the trees or if it was because every scream forced me to relive the moment I walked away from Axel.

Other than Drak, Axel was the best man I’d ever known. However short that list was, he was near the top, and he didn’t deserve to die on his knees because of me.

I shoved one foot in front of the other with my gaze fixed on the path where the heels of Stasia’s boots flickered just out of my sight. I only kept pace with them now because she forced Finan to slow down.

Another shriek split through the night air, followed by the fierce whip of wind. Ice crystallized on my eyelashes, and I gripped the shard tighter with my right hand because if I were to lose a limb to frostbite, it wouldn’t be the hand I used to kill Odin.

I gritted my teeth and forced my burning thighs to keep marching forward, step after step after step, in time with Stasia’s long stride. The journey across Drukna had stolen the thickness from my thighs, both in muscle and the soft, supple fat that shaped me. I must have looked so different from the shield-maiden and witch who created vampires centuries ago, but I was the same person, determined to reach my soulmate again. Exactly selfish enough in love to damn this entire land to the Hel it’d become.

Thoughts of sailing The Drowning only made me worry for my mother and mourn for Axel.

I swore to protect Drak’s wife, he’d said.

I’d only become Drak’s wife in this lifetime if I found the last shard—if I stayed safe and free to make sure Axel’s sacrifice wasn’t in vain.

Tears pricked my eyes, and when slick earth slid beneath my boots, I fell again. I couldn’t see the ground, making it impossible to avoid sharp rocks. My hands flung out, slamming the heels of my palms against stone and leaves covered in a thin layer of crunchy ice.

Stasia gasped and spun around, dropping to a crouch before me. “Finan!” She twisted and shouted at the figure several paces ahead. He didn’t stop as he threw a glance over his shoulder. “Come back!”

With her help, I peeled off the ground and pulled my legs beneath me. I curled over myself and drew the crystal from my pocket, pressing the sharp edges against my chest. Every inch of his soul touched my skin, and I soaked up the warmth, desperate and thirsty for him.

Finan marched up to us with his boots slamming into rock and smashing branches. He frowned down at me. “If we stop again, we’ll suffer another night out here. It’s a miracle we survived three already.”

Stasia rolled her eyes. “Miracle? Or is it that you’re the most feared executioner of this decade and we’re traveling with a damn goddess?” She tilted her chin up to him, and though she sat on the ground at his feet, somehow she looked taller. “Did you ever think of that, Pup?”

Finan forced a breath through his nose, but when his gaze slid to her, the hard line of his grimace softened. After a moment of them staring at each other like that—unspoken words shared that I wasn’t privy to—he parted his lips‌. “Don’t call me Pup.”

Stasia lifted her hand and gave him an exaggerated salute. “Absolutely, Pup!” His mouth twitched. Was that a smile? On Finan? “And by ‘goddess’, I meant myself, obviously. I’ve been told my sweetbread is divine.”

I wasn’t sure if Finan coughed or if he stifled a laugh, but he faced his back to us. His head swiveled, pretending to survey the forest as he ignored her.

Stasia poked the back of his leg. “Excuse me, but don’t act like you didn’t literally tell Samuel and Thorfinn that you’d marry me just to eat my bread every day.”

“I was nine, Sass.”

I watched Stasia as he said the name I’d never heard before. Pastel pink gave life to her transparently white cheeks. She was so pale, her veins showed like jagged creeks of azure along her chin and down her neck, where old scars revealed how many times vampires had fed on her when she served them.

Her lips, the same shade of pink, tilted. “If anybody can survive in this forest, it's Sass and Pup and their goddess friend.”