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‘She looks peaceful, doesn’t she?’ Helen pulls up beside them.

‘No,’ Aggy says affectionately, shaking her head. A teardrop falls with the motion and lands on my cheek. I touch my hand to the ghost of me, and almost feel that small drop as if I were still in my body. ‘She looks mischievous, like she’s playing a joke on us all.’

I lay my hand on Aggy’s shoulder. As much a goodbye as I can offer. She shivers, and turns to look straight through me. And then, as though she can sense my presence, she smiles. Aggy walks forwards and squeezes my hand. I feel the phantom touch like wind blowing through my hair. Both real and not.

‘Goodbye, my friend. Thank you. For all of it.’

By the time everyone starts to leave, the sun is setting. One final sunset. No spiked hot chocolate for me. I never much liked it anyway. I watch them all as they leave through the doorway. I try to memorise every detail. Just in case whatever comes after, I get the chance to find them again.

I am left alone, until I am not.

I feel his presence more than see it.

‘She didn’t show,’ I say evenly. He comes to stand beside me.

‘Does it matter?’ Walker watches me from the corner of his eye like he’s scared to give me his full attention. He’s been doing a lot of that.

Surprisingly, I say, ‘No.’

‘Good.’

‘Yeah. It does feel good.’ Hurts too. But maybe that’s just something I have to wear. Maybe, that’s part of letting go.

Chapter Thirty

The End

Perhaps one of the most difficult parts of dying is going to be the conversation that comes next. I take Lavender’s branch in my hand and hold it to steady her. After everyone left, I jumped back into my dead body (not a sentence I thought I’d ever hear myself think) and it’s as if I’d never left. My joints feel a little stiff and my eyes feel a little fuzzy, but apart from that I can hardly tell the difference. Lavender smiles at me thankfully and squeezes my hand. It’s time.

I take a bracing breath, centre myself, and ask, ‘Will you take over the chicken troupe?’

Lavender rolls her eyes and slaps my hand away. ‘Girl, there is no way⁠—’

‘Please! You’re the only one I trust. I love Walker, and I have no doubt in my mind his choreography would be epic, but I just don’t think he could handle all those personalities,’ I reason.

‘Oh yeah, he’d fold for sure,’ Lavender concedes.

‘They’d walk all over him.’

‘You are right.’ She looks over to the forest and sighs.

‘I know.’

Her eyes are sappy when she finds mine. ‘Fine.’

‘Oh, don’t be such a weeping willow.’ I smile. Twin tears fall down my cheeks. ‘It won’t be so bad. The chickens are actually quite good company – and besides, you’ll still have Walker.’ I hope.

After we walked from the clearing, Walker’s tattoo still hadn’t changed. We’re not sure how, but he isn’t connected to the Black Star anymore. He must be tethered to something, otherwise he would have faded by now, but we’ve no idea what.

Lavender sniffs, looks away and tries to master herself.

‘So, this is it.’ Delilah claps her hands, like she’s readying to take the high bar. The stone angels agreed to let someone I know chaperone me to the afterlife. I’m glad she’ll be the one to do it. Makes it all a little less daunting.

Walker has his hands stuffed inside his pant pockets, as they often want to go when he’s less than certain. I have mine tucked behind me. Stars knows what I’ll do with them if I don’t hold them back.

‘Time for the big show.’ My voice cracks. I hate it. Everyone here already knows I’m scared. They don’t need to hear it too.

His eyes study me, while I study them. I watch the journey of his gaze as it travels the expanse of my body, familiar and knowing like a car ride home. He takes the long way. People look at you differently when they know you’re leaving for good. I watch him trying to remember me before I’m gone. I don’t want him to only remember this though. I want to say something that’ll stop him, because the sight of it is breaking my heart, and stealing my resolve. Much the same that indecision steals my speech. There’s too much to say, that I say nothing at all. I just look at him until I’m not allowed to anymore.