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While he was immediately sorry for the aggressive stance he had taken with Orris, there was no way he could take any of it back. She needed to stay out of matters that were far too risky for her.

Granted, she was not some helpless waif. She had shown herself capable of defending herself from attack. But if she were cornered with nowhere to run, if the element of surprise were not on her side, would she have been so lucky with an actual attacker?

The answer to that question was unknown, and for Abram, it was not worth the risk. She was far too precious a gem to allow any harm to befall her.

He would rather have her think him horrible than to have her be harmed in any way. For that reason alone, he would be the bastard she needed him to be.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Orris thought back over the events of the day. Her biggest regret, she found, was that she had not punched Abram in the face as well.

There had been no reason for him to lash out at her the way he had. Certainly not in front of scores of people. She had been so terribly embarrassed. The most distressing part was that she had only been trying to help him.

All of it had been done for him.

Orris stared in the gilded mirror at her reflection. For the last few weeks, she had been utterly gutted by two people whom she had trusted with her heart. She realized now that Thomas had been to a much lesser degree. It was Abram who had broken her. She realized now the reason her mother had said she would never love another man after the loss of her husband.

She watched as Cora—Fields—arranged her braids in a fashionable style. The pinned-up style had been set just so for the inclusion of a garnet tiara. She would wear the necklace her mother had given her the year before. The gift had been symbolic of her embarking on her great journey into English society.

A fat lot of good it had done her. She was making a considerable mess of things.

“There. I believe you will stun the entirety of London tonight, miss.” Fields always doted on them. She had always been very kind to Orris and her sisters.

“Thank you.” Orris put a hand to her hair, feeling the smooth, corded braids of her hair, then ran her fingers down her neck to the diamond necklace and finally moved to the red stone at the center of her chest. Her image was perfect as could be, but inside? Her heart and soul were a mangled mess.

Fields patted Orris on her shoulders before stepping away. ‘I’ll leave you alone for a few moments. Should you need anything else, I shall be across the hall with Miss Violetta for her final touches.”

Orris nodded through the mirror and watched as the older woman left the room.

Despite wearing her favorite color, a deep-honied brown, along with the exquisite jewelry, Orris observed that the sadness in her eyes eclipsed all of it. She wished she had more time to collect herself.

In the distance, she heard her family preparing to take their leave. There were no more moments to spend alone. Rising from her chair, she walked into the hallway and down the stairs, painting a fake smile on her face all the while.

“Oh, you look striking,” Mama said, her hands over her chest. Tonight, she wore a midnight-blue gown with gray rosettes covering the bodice.

“Sister, that dress looks incredibly beautiful,” Violetta said. “I have not seen you wearing it yet, since you didn’t come for the hemming, but it is perfect for you. I should think you will hardly sit down this evening, for your dance card will be filled.”

Orris knew that they were trying to put her in a better mood. And it was working, for as she glanced down at her dress, she knew that it was the exact perfect fit. One of the things she wondered was: what exactly would make her happy? To dance in a room full of men, where perhaps maybe one of them would fill the void in her heart? Or was it enough to be surrounded by the love of our family?

Orris felt selfish in regard to the answer that came as she pondered the questions. She wanted Abram by her side, and she wanted her family to be proud of her. More than anything, she wanted to be useful. Abram had been right. A man was dead. And she was sorry for that, but really, it had been because of her boredom with existence in London that had driven her to try to help him in the first place.

Going forward, she realized that she should follow her own advice and learn to be happy on her own. At this rate, she would have to depend on herself for quite some time.

“I appreciate your kindness, Mama and Violetta, but do not feel you have to coddle me,” she replied finally. “I am not fully recovered from my melancholy, but I shall be one day. Now, let us go. We should not be late.”

They hugged her, four arms going around her shoulders and waist, cocooning her in their warmth and comfort. Samuel and Myrtle had gone home to pick up his stepmother, who had not wanted to arrive alone, but they would see everyone there. Orris wished Gladys could have come as well. But there would be no balls for her until she received the approval from Queen Victoria. She had not come down to see them off, and Orris would make a point to visit her when she returned from the ball later that evening.

The three of them were off, climbing into their carriage and heading across town to arrive at the Earl and Countess of Hemphill’s.

At first glance, Orris was not sure she had ever seen more beautiful decorations. Above them, floating in ornate trees, were ornamental cherubs and floating hearts. The theme was Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, and while it was not a masquerade ball, which Orris would have preferred so no one could see the pain in her eyes, the heart theme carried over the threshold and into the ballroom. Red and pink flowers in tall, elaborate vases filled the space. Even the dance cards were red with lace ties for the wrist.

Lady Hemphill had spared no expense on the party. Everyone in the room shone like diamonds, the first evening since last season quite up to par, and even exceeding expectations.

“Oh, look. There’s the Earl of Brookshire and his sister. Shall we go say hello?” Mama asked.

“No, you go on. Orris and I will wait for a bit.” Violetta discreetly held Orris’s arm, drawing in close so Mama could not see.

“Very well. I shall return momentarily,” she promised before offering another wave to some other set of revelers. She would not be returning anytime soon, Orris presumed.