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“It’s perfectly fine not to have a degree, though. I’ve read stories of how people found success without one.”

She shrugs, regret still tainted on her face.

“What did you do afterward? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“It’s totally fine.” She waves this away as emphasis. “I moved back in with my parents and started working at the same antique shop I work at now, along with my job at the mall. I met Jase and Jordan’s father at the antique shop, so things worked out.”

“Jase told me about his and Jordan’s dad. He sounded like a great man.”

A warm smile spreads across her face. “He was. Jase followed him everywhere. His father was an amazing musician, too.”

Jase is now kicking the ball in the air, but only briefly. After the third punt, he misses, and the ball lands on the grass with a thud. Jordan jumps up and down, cheering as he punches his fist in the air. Jase grins and high-fives his little brother. He’s such a good sport. It warms my heart to see how kind Jase is to his brother. That unfamiliar feeling returns, stronger than before, and it’s terrifying me.

“His musical talent passed on to Jase,” I say.

“It has,” Mrs. Rivers says. There’s a hint of pride in her voice, mixed in with something more hollow.

“Jase is a very talented guitarist, he’s so good at engaging with the audience.”

She glimpses at Jase, who’s now kicking the ball back-and-forth with Jordan, then turns back to me. “I’m only allowing him to do his gigs because he’s improving in his SAT class, all thanks to you. But I’m still hoping he changes his mind and decides to do something more practical.”

I still my face so I don’t react. Now I understand why her smile looked pursed when Jase was talking about his band’s latest performance, and why she sounded somewhat hollow when I said her husband’s musical talent passed on to Jase. Guess she and my parents share similar minds.

Mrs. Rivers sighs and shrugs. “But in the end, it’s his decision, and that’s out of my control.”

I’ve never thought this way. I’m so used to thinking my family knows better, and that I’m just the youngest, so I know much less. But how much of my life is in my control?

After Jase and Jordan finish playing, they race back to the table, Jase holding the soccer ball in one hand. Jordan tags the table, a victor in yet another game.

“First place!” Jordan says.

“Ahh, the star athlete beat me again!” Jase says. Judging by his smile, he must not mind.

“So, Jase,” Mrs. Rivers begins, “Emilyn’s already preparing for college. What about you?”

Jase groans. “Mom, how many times do I have to tell you? I don’t want to go.”

Red floods my face. If I hadn’t brought up college applications earlier, this conversation wouldn’t be happening.

“Honey, trust me, life is a lot harder when you don’t have a degree.”

“But I hate school, and I suck at it.”

“Well, if you work hard enough, you can get a degree and a good job.”

“I don’t need a degree to be a musician.”

“It’s hard to make it in the music industry. Don’t you remember what your father told you about him and his band?”

Jase clenches his jaw and sharpens his eyes. “Don’t talk about Dad like that.” His voice is so low, so jagged, my body stiffens.

This conversation is all too familiar to me. I almost want to hide and cover my ears, because I know, whatever decision I make for my career path, someone won’t be happy.

Jordan looks from his mom to Jase. “I don’t think Jase needs to think about college now. He’s still in high school.”

“Exactly, listen to Jordan.”

It’s sweet how the Rivers brothers look after each other. Under other circumstances, I would've smiled at this, but with the tension falling between Jase and his mom, that’s the last thing I should do.