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“He sits next to me. We talk all the time, but nothing’s happening between us.” Nothing happening romantically, anyway.
My mom shoots me a quizzical look as if, in fact, she suspects I have a secret boyfriend. Well, that’s a secret I don’t have. “Okay.” A frown wilts across her face. It takes me a second to realize she’s hurt. Hurt because I didn’t tell her.
“I’m really sorry, po. I’ve been so busy I haven’t had the chance to tell you anything.”
“I understand, anak.”
I close the distance between us and hug her. “Please trust me.”
My stomach stirs. With all the secrets I’m keeping, I don’t deserve her trust.
She strokes the back of my head, her hand soft against my hair. “It’s not you I don’t trust. It’s other people.”
I think back to the time my mom said she wished she was a better Atè. Guess she’s trying to make up for it by looking after me. At least that’s in her control. The people I hang out with are not.
“Let’s get started on dinner,” I offer.
My mom nods, and we take out everything we need to cook pancit. Knowing she trusts me, though, not suspecting even one secret, gives me reason to believe that I’m a horrible child.
After dinner, I lay the bunny on my bed and work on more summer AP homework. Jase texts me asking if everything went okay. I tell him the whole story.
He replies: Well u got out alive
Attached in a follow-up text, he adds: Hope this song can cheer u up
It’s a thirty-second acoustic titled “it’s all good.” The melody is playful, the strings strummed with a quickness that makes me feel like I’m dancing around on a beach.
Me: Thanks it does
Jase: :) np. Wrote it after the 1st day of our sat class. Felt down and wanted to cheer up.
Me: You made a bop! Can’t wait for the full song ;)
Jase: Dont get ur hopes up
Me: Just try
Jase: Maybe
Jase: Gn. dream of winning that contest
Me: Goodnight. Dream of finishing a song
I wonder how people sleep after exchanging a chain of fun texts with their crush. Though I have the last word, already assuming Jase is sleeping, I still anticipate another text, because sometimes reality can give much more than a dream ever could.
Glancing at my window, my blinds shielding the glass like a white washboard, I have a flash to earlier at Castle Play. I wasn’t expecting Jase and his friends to join me and Nora, which made it more fun. As my eyes zoom in on my blinds like they’re trying to see through them, I wonder what the world’s like at night. The dark sky stretching above me, stars sprinkled across its black canvas, everything cloaked with darkness or highlighted with light from the lampposts.
I grab my camera from my bag, and once I set up my floor lamp and grab a string of fairy lights from my closet, I open my blinds so they frame the night sky in strips of thick black. I flick off my bedroom switch, the lamp and fairy lights splashing the darkness with hues of orange and yellow. After adjusting my settings, I look through my viewfinder, focus my lens, and frame my window in the center. Outside in the night sky, the stars are barely visible.
Bravery is about overcoming your obstacles. I’ve opened my blinds so that it looks like a barrier. You never know what could happen when you go out in the dark. Going out afraid is what makes you brave, because at least you’re trying. You have to break down any barrier and go out into the darkness, even if you’re afraid and unprepared, to see what else is out there. Maybe something scary will happen. Or you might make some of the best memories.
Click!
Chapter Twenty-Two
I never thought a busy week could be so fun.
My parents are quizzing me harder than ever since SMARTake’s practice exam is this week. It may not be the official exam, but they think that if I study hard now, I can come even more prepared for the real SAT.
