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“We hope you all continue photography not only with moments you capture but with moments you live,” Michelle says. In one hand, she’s holding three envelopes.

“Time to announce the winners,” Don McIntosh says. Everyone, including me, inclines like they’re ready to walk on that stage.

“In third place,” Don begins, “earning a cash prize of $1000.”

Michelle flips open one of the envelopes, holding the other two beneath her arm, and pulls out a pink card, reading the name with scrutiny. She raises the mic to her mouth and announces the third-place winner.

“Emilyn Padilla!”

Everyone breaks out into applause, a sea of claps thundering the room. Sandra and Aaliyah cheer, “Whoo! Go Emilyn!” I carve a smile on my face, my stomach plummeting—though it shouldn’t because at least I placed—as I walk up on stage. Don hands me my cash prize, and with him and Michelle, I smile for the camera, Jaya looking through the viewfinder and pressing down the shutter button. But unlike my selfie with Nora, I force myself to show off my teeth because if I don’t, I may look like a salty loser. I got third place out of how many contestants? I should feel happy, so why don’t I? I walk back to my table, smile still plastered on my face

Aaliyah and Sandra tie for second, and they decide to split the cash prize.

Michelle announces Mia Ramos as the first-place winner. As Mia takes a photo with Don and Michelle, I paste on another smile. I should be happy for her. She is, after all, representing all us Filipinas. But as I watch her take a second photo, smile framing her perfect teeth, I wish it were me up there as the first-place winner.

I congratulate Aaliyah, Sandra, and Mia, genuinely happy for them. If my sadness shows, they say nothing, just thank me.

Nora asks me what happened as soon as I step out. With a shaky voice, I tell her I placed third. She hugs me tightly and says I still tried, doing better than I’d hoped.

When we return to Jimenez’s, Nora tells my mom the line was long and people took forever. Throughout lunch—I’m eating three servings of tostadas—I stretch a smile, telling myself not to raise any suspicions. And to be happy I placed third.

Finally, it sinks in. That full-ride scholarship to Jansen was my best shot at attending an arts school. Maybe losing is a sign I should attend one of the universities my parents recommended and pursue bio.

I start on another tostada wondering if I should order more.

Chapter Forty-Four

I’d much rather cocoon myself in my blanket instead of talk to Aprilette on Zoom.

As I look back at my Atè, her jaw tense and the screen grainy, I’m tempted to shut my laptop and run away. My fingers tremble as I await her first word since we last spoke a week ago.

“Let’s try this again.” Aprilette gives the kind of glare models give in photoshoots. “Explain.”

“Explain?” I wonder if she’s sick of saying this word as much as I’m sick of hearing it.

“Why did you leave without telling us?”

My mouth falls open, and as her glare deepens, I fumble for the only truth within my grasp. “Jase was in San Francisco.” My heart splits saying his name.

Aprilette sighs and rolls her eyes. “Some boy is more important than your future?”

“No.” My voice grates.

“Hard to believe considering that I made plans for you to figure out what schools you want to attend, only for you to ditch them and worry all of us. You’re starting your senior year, Emilyn. You’re letting a boy get in your way?”

Now my jaw tenses. Guess this is what happens when you keep too many secrets. The ones you love most get the wrong idea. “I’m not.”

“Give me a logical, decent reason why you left, screwed up our weekend plans, just to drive back to Sunlight with some boy you barely know.”

I dig my fingers into my palms and grind my teeth. I used to think my Atè was perfect, always speaking up for herself and guiding me like a true leader. But when she dragged me away from the photography club table, I started seeing the cracks. How she always thinks she’s right. How she expects me to follow her plans her way.

Maybe it’s because I let her.

“Okay, fine.” I square my shoulders, adjusting myself into a power sit. “Atè, I didn’t want to see any university campuses.”

Her face melts into a frown. “You didn’t?”

“No. Honestly, I was bored when you were showing me around.”