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“Oh, yes, learning about business management and organizational behavior is so much fun.”

I carve a smile. I’m not the biggest fan of Ava’s sarcasm. She always makes me feel dumb, which is probably why, growing up, I was careful with what I said.

Now, though, I say, “Well, I’m sure you had a life outside of grad school. There’s a reason why you invited all these people here, right?”

Ava flicks her eyes to mine, holding the tongs for the lechon.

“We’re celebrating your graduation from grad school, Atè Ava. I don’t see you often, so of course I’m going to ask about it.”

Several times she blinks, eyes widening.

“So, how’d you meet all these people?” I ask, feeling only slightly bad about my harsh tone.

Ava tells me how she met them in her business ethics class. From time to time, they’d all hang out at an aquarium. I notice how hard she beams when she talks about sea animals. Seeing her smile is like looking at a comet, so rare, you can’t believe it’s right before your eyes.

“Anak, come here!” Tito Rommulo waves for Ava to join him, my dad, and Tita Aurora.

Ava folds down on the couch beside my cousin Gabriel, who’s her Kuya, a year older than her. Gabriel scrolls through his phone as he eats a lumpia shanghai, the crunch barely audible in the mix of Tagalog and English conversations. A chuckle cracks his usually stoic face when he sees a GIF from League of Legends. Aprilette and Piolo join us while Amado and Reyna stand off to the side. Piolo notices the GIF on Gabriel’s phone, and the two nerd out over video games.

“Congratulations, Ava,” my dad says, wrapping pancit around his fork.

“Salamat, po,” she says respectfully.

“She’s going to be an amazing accounting manager,” Tita Aurora boasts. She’s wearing a purple dress that pops against her brown skin.

Ava frowns, then eats as if her pagkain deserves all her attention. I think about how she was beaming so much when she was talking about sea animals. Does she want to be a marine biologist?

“Gabriel is already getting big bucks as a financial analyst!” Tito Rommulo brags, patting Gabriel on the shoulder. Gabriel also frowns, eyes drifting to Piolo like he wants him to continue their conversation.

I may not be close to Ava and Gabriel, but my heart aches seeing them so miserable. Are they only pursuing business because that’s what Tito Rommulo and Tita Aurora expect?

“Very successful and smart kids, Kuya Rommulo,” my dad says. “Aprilette’s been doing well, too. And Emilyn is studying and working hard just like her Atè.”

I stitch a smile. Can’t he say I’m working hard without comparing me to Aprilette? I have a flash of me visiting the photography club table at UC Berkeley. Lately, I’m beginning to wonder, if I told my parents how I feel, about college and bio and photography, would they distinguish me from my Atè? But as I look at Tito Rommulo, who has the same short black hair and turtle-shell glasses as my dad, I hear his voice echoing, Child with no utang na loob, child with no utang na loob! I eat a clump of pancit to swallow down any truths that might label me as one.

“Aprilette, are you in medical school right now?” Tita Aurora sneers. My mom, who’s helping Tita Maricel set up the karaoke machine on the widescreen TV, has told Tita Aurora that she and my dad are saving up money for my college tuition. Aprilette doesn’t want to burden them with more financial assistance, so she’s been working to help finance her applications and tuition.

“I’m working at a hospital first, but I’m in the process of applying,” Aprilette says with an I’m-doing-perfectly-fine smile.

“Really? Your cousins are already done with grad school,” Tito Rommulo says. “But some move slower than others, diba?”

While everyone else is still chatting and laughing, we’re the only circle that’s quiet. Piolo gives Aprilette, who’s plastering on a smile, a look that asks Are you okay? A frown sags across my dad’s face. He eats his pancit like it’ll give him the words he needs to say. Tita Aurora sneers again while Ava and Gabriel scroll through their phones.

“I’ll go to medical school,” Aprilette says. “I just want work experience first.”

While this is also true, she knows our parents are embarrassed to admit that they struggle to budget for my college funding and her medical school expenses. She’s told them a lot of people struggle to afford an education, and that they shouldn’t be ashamed because it’s all so expensive. But when you have someone as condescending as Tito Rommulo in the family, it’s easy to feel ashamed even when you shouldn’t be.

“I’m very proud of her and everything she’s done so far,” my dad tells Tito Rommulo. I can hear the pride in my dad’s voice. I’m very proud of him for standing up for my Atè.

“Hopefully she doesn’t fall too far behind, diba, Aldrine?” Tito Rommulo says.

“I think Atè Aprilette and Dad have already accomplished so much and so has my mom. They always help out the family. They’re just doing everything at their own pace” I say. Everyone swivels my way, widening their eyes. “I’m proud of them.”

These are truths I’m proud to project.

Aprilette, grinning, reaches over and squeezes my shoulder. My dad nods and mouths, Salamat, anak.

“Pamilya’s got to support pamilya.” Tito Rommulo shrugs a shoulder.