Page 31 of ReTreat Yourself

And the worst one: I am a people person.

I take in his giant physique. There’s a whole chapter in the Life Coach Handbook on body language and physical attributes. He is extremely tall. With a thick head of wavy dark brown hair. He has one of those Roman noses that could mean he’s very authoritative. A square jawline which could mean he’s decisive, a good forehead meaning he’s intelligent and not easily fobbed off. With kind, honest eyes. And a nice, friendly smile with a row of film-star teeth.

He could ruin everything.

‘No. I didn’t book an appointment, but I see that you didn’t take any of my advice,’ he says. ‘How is it going?’

‘Things are going well, actually.’

I’m fresh out of a three-day panic attack and I have a steam-cleaned vagina.

I clear my throat. ‘Yes. Things are going very well.’

He doesn’t believe me for a second. He looks amused, if anything.

‘I wanted to thank you, for taking the fall at the retreat. Gandalf told me you were asked to leave. He didn’t say why but I figured it out when you didn’t… come back.’ He gives me a shy look. ‘Anyway, I’m sorry. I would have taken the blame. I hope you’re not taking this job because you didn’t have enough time at the retreat to think things through. Grasping at the first thing to come along.’

I shake my head.

He couldn’t be more spot on.

‘Because you might only create new problems for yourself,’ he says, sounding like the Dalai Lama.

‘I’m not creating new ones.’

I’m very much creating new ones.

He ignores me. ‘Who’s the miserable vampire on reception?’ he says, walking casually over to the window.

He’s also very astute.

‘The new assistant. She’s job averse. And she hates me.’

Oliver seems amused. ‘And you’re people averse. How’s that going to work?’

I shake my head disapprovingly at his childish joke until a sudden thought occurs to me. ‘What are you doing right now?’ I ask, inviting him to sit down.

‘Why? Is there something I can help you with?’