Page 81

Closing his eyes, he leaned forward and held his head in his hands, embarrassed that he had ever thought she might feel something for him in return.

“Be with this man of yours,” he muttered, “be far from here, before you break all our hearts anymore.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

“You said you wouldn’t leave,” William said, his lip quivering. “You said that we would play in the woods. You promised.”

Deep down, Marina wished she had merely slipped out of the house without the boy knowing, but that was not who she was. That was cowardice, and the sweet child deserved some manner of explanation. Even if she could not quite understand it herself.

She knelt before him, tears pricking at her eyes. “My uncle is not well,” she said, her voice thick with regret. “He needs me far more than you do, for now. I must be his doctor, for there is no one else who will help him as I can.”

The boy’s expression changed, as she had hoped that Anthony’s might when he heard her reasoning.

“Your uncle is sick?”

She nodded. “I am very worried about him, and that is why I must be with him for a while. It is why I went away before.” She hesitated. “I hope to come back, but I think I have… let your father down very much. I do not think he trusts me to take care of you anymore, but… if I cannot come back, please know that you may visit me whenever you please.”

A chill ran through her as she considered what the future might hold. What would she do if her uncle did not make it, and Anthony would not allow her back? Would she have to find somewhere else to live, after her cousin undoubtedly kicked her out? And what if Anthony decided to annul the marriage?

She would have nothing and no one.

I could dress as a man, practice as a doctor?

“Is he sick like my mother was?” William asked, wide-eyed. “Might he die?”

A strange choking sound caught in Marina’s throat, the tears squeezed from her eyes. “My darling boy, I hope not. I am doing everything I can to prevent it.” She grabbed him and pulled him into a hug. “Never think I want to be away from you, William. I promise you; I do not. I just… need time, for my uncle.”

The boy held her fiercely in return, snuffling into her shoulder. “You have to come back.”

“I will try, but I cannot promise anything,” she murmured into his shoulder. “That is up to your father.”

“I will miss you too much.”

“I will miss you more,” she whispered, her heart breaking all over again. “You must write to me. You must tell me everything. And you must visit if you are allowed.”

The boy squeezed her tighter. “Why doesn’t my father trust you anymore?”

“Because I was not honest from the beginning,” she said. “I did not tell him sooner that my uncle was sick. I… acted as if nothing had changed, as if I was still by myself, and… that is not what he needs for you. He needs a mother for you, and I failed.”

“No! You are the best mother!” he wailed, pulling back. “You are kind to me. You teach me things. You play with me. You hug me. You have never, ever tried to kill me!”

Marina stared at him, aghast. “Pardon?”

William licked a tear from the corner of his mouth. “My mother tried to kill me. It’s why she was put in… some kind of prison. I’m not sure about that part.” He shrugged. “It’s just things I’ve heard my father say to Mrs. Havers. They didn’t know I was listening.”

Some kind of prison? Marina frowned, trying to figure out what he could mean.

“An asylum?” she said.

He nodded slowly. “I think that was the word. Asylum.”

Is she still there? The panicked thought struck Marina, for it would not have been the first time that a husband had tried to hide away a wife suffering from madness. She had read of several cases during the months where she had dipped her toe into maladies of the mind.

“She tried to hurt you?” she asked instead, holding his arms gently.

He nodded. “I don’t remember, but it’s what they said. They said she tried to kill me. They said maybe it’s why I get so angry sometimes, because I am like her.”

“Oh, you sweet thing,” she murmured, tenderly brushing the tears from his cheek. “Everyone gets angry sometimes. When you got angry with me, it was simply because I was not listening to you properly and not keeping my promises. You are allowed to feel things, William. Indeed, you must, or it will make you poorly.”