Page 26
Twelve
He stepped aside, let me in and closed the door.
“Before you do, I have to say something first.”
His eyes dropped to the book. Blinking, as if startled by it. He reached forward but stopped midway. “May I?”
It didn’t surprise me he asked. Nolan was one of the most thoughtful, and respectful, men I knew. It was why my parents loved him.
That’s why I loved him.
I nodded.
All the words that tumbled through my brain quieted. At first, I thought he might open it but Nolan put it on the entryway table.
“I shouldn’t have said those things.”
If he was apologizing, I had to stop him. It had been startling to have Nolan so mad at me, but he hadn’t created this mess.
“Nolan, you—”
“Were unnecessarily harsh. Did I mean every word? Yes. But it’s not your fault I’ve spent years wishing you’d see me as more than a friend.”
“How many years?” I whispered, curious.
Fittingly, it began to rain. And not just a little sprinkle, but a downpour that I shuddered to think of being caught in earlier.
“Do you remember the time on the bank where we used to fish when I counted your mosquito bites?”
I froze. Impossible. Of all the memories we had together …
“It was an excuse to touch you. Silly, I know.” He shrugged. “But you didn’t have over fifty bites either, so I got to prove a point.” At his slow smile, the world rightened again. Having him angry with me, turned out, was the worst feeling in the world.
“It was close,” I argued.
“There were twenty-three, if I recall. That’s less than half.”
That had been so long ago. “All this time, and you never even hinted at it.”
Rolling his eyes, Nolan chuckled. “Oh, there were hints. They just flew right over your head. Every time you talked about this or that book … one of the heroes from your stories … you made it hard to think I could ever measure up.”
I grabbed both of his hands without thinking. The warm, soft strength enveloped me.
“I saw you,” I insisted. “But I was too afraid to admit it. Even to myself.”
“Afraid of what?” he asked, his thumb tracing circles on my right palm.
“Messing up our friendship.” Riven popped into my brain. No more lies. “And maybe having you think poorly of me.”
He seemed genuinely perplexed. “How could I think such a thing? What does that even mean?”
“Like,” ohmygod, ohmygod, was I really going to say this? “Sex. Some things I fantasize about aren’t. . .” I swallowed hard. Attempted to conjure the words. “Soft.”
Just like that, something in him changed. A devilish look of satisfaction crossed his features.
“Baby, you’ve got to stop hiding the parts you think are too dark for me. I’m not afraid of the shadow,” he used our joined hands to pull me toward him. “I’m drawn to it.”
He was going to kiss me.
