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“It was neither I nor Cettina who was seen with him in an alcove not far from the great hall. One of my sister’s ladies, a woman long jealous of my sister’s beauty, was with him that eve. I know not who began the rumor. If it was a servant who saw them together, or the lord or lady themselves, we were never able to discern. But its origins matter little. Once word began to spread, and it became clear Bowes and the lady’s maid intended to propagate it, the rumor would not die.”

“Rumor that the lady was you?”

I shake my head. “Nay, that it was Cettina.”

He appears rightly confused. “I don’t understand? How did you . . . ?” Aiken stops. “Dammit, Hilla, you deflected the rumor for your sister,” he says, the tic in his jaw revealing his anger. “Why? Why did the couple not simply state the truth? Bowes lost his head for that lie.”

“As I said, the lady was jealous of Cettina. As for Bowes, I do not know for certain. Except that he’d tried many times to court my sister. We believe Bowes thought it might force my father to consider him as a suitor.” Once the words begin to spill out, ones I’ve told no one, ever, they do not stop. “Cettina tried to reason with them. Explained that they would both be in grave danger, especially Bowes. But neither would listen.”

“Why, Hilla?” His shoulders rise and fall, his eyes flashing. “Why?”

“Cettina was unmarried. She could not endure such a scandal. But I . . .”

“You were married already to Whitley. Better to bear the brunt of his anger, and your father’s, than to see Cettina scandalized. But she let you do such a thing?”

I will not let him be angry with my sister.

“She had no choice. I told Father it had been me the servant saw and dared any to deny it.”

He downs the rest of his drink and pours another. Light from the small window as the sun begins to set is enough to see clearly. Aiken’s eyes fill with unshed tears. His reaction is so unexpected, I forget to continue my story.

“You lost your right to the crown. Endured your husband’s wrath. For something you did not do.”

His evident pain reminds me of my own. Pain I’ve long let go, but that resurfaces now as I watch him wrestle with my revelation.

“I never wanted to be queen. Cettina is much better suited to it.”

“You have every bit of strength and intelligence as your sister, Hilla.”

I begin to deny it, but stop. And think back to these past few weeks. And months. And years.

“I never wanted to be queen,” I repeat. “And as for Whitley, I do not believe he’d have been much kinder to me had the affair not happened. He was not a good man.”

Aiken is out of his seat so quickly, I do not even have time to stand. He takes the goblet from my hand and places it on the floor, sitting beside me. As he did earlier, Aiken takes my face in his hands.

“You are the bravest, kindest, strongest woman I have ever met, Hilla.”

Though his eyes are dry now, mine are not. Before I can stop them, tears slip below my lids and fall onto my face. Aiken wipes them as they fall, kissing my cheeks. My eyes. And finally, my lips. Desperate for his acceptance, I return his kiss. All the questions I had fall away, unimportant for the moment.

And I can almost believe his words.

29

Aiken

“Welcome to Murwood End.”

The dockmaster greets us as I hold my hand out for Hilla. Galfrid’s man watches us. Whether he or the others believe my nightly visits to Hilla were nothing more than discussions, I do not know. There are so many curiosities to this journey, from my very presence to the addition of Lady Hilla, a supposed enemy to Meria—our relationship is just one more.

Not only to the men, but to me as well. I’ve no notion of what we are doing, spending each night in her cabin, or on deck, talking. Sharing. Laughing.

The ease with which we traveled to Castle d’Almerita continued, despite that second night. We’ve not spoken of it. And though I’ve kissed her many times when we were alone, I have not allowed myself to lose control again. My mission as an Elderman in Silvester’s personal guard does not include the Princess of Edingham.

And yet . . .

“It has been so many years, and yet, everything looks the same.”

Hilla steps onto the dock. The captain shakes Salvi’s hand, then the others, as they disembark as well. He will stay with the ship while we are here, though none know how long that might be.