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She took another step back, which was when Neill’s hand reached out. Trying to avoid his grasp, Kathryn only realized at the last moment he was trying to save her from stepping too close to the hearth.

“Kathryn, I am so sorry. I never intended . . . I never intended for this to happen. Any of it.”

“You did not intend to kiss me?”

She was finding it difficult to breathe.

“No. I did not.”

“Then why?” She squared her shoulders. “Why did you?”

He closed his eyes, his jaw flexing as it had done the day they’d left for Brockburg. As it did whenever he was deep in contemplation.

“I have nothing but the truth to offer you.”

“A fine time for that,” she spat, aware her voice was raised.

“I deserve your anger. And although I doubt it will comfort you, I can assure you that you are no more angry with me than I am with myself.”

She waited, though surely he could say nothing to improve the situation. They were beyond hope. “You are betrothed—”

“Nay.” He shook his head. “Not betrothed. I am to return to court when the Scottish king’s pledge has been given. A formal ceremony for our betrothal will occur alongside the king’s decree to appoint a new warden. I’ve never even met the lady.”

“It matters not. You are to be married.”

“I am.”

Shoulders sagging, her stomach no longer in knots, Kathryn simply stared at him. Like a simpleton.

“But you deserve the full truth. I care for you, Kathryn, so very much, and desire you as I’ve desired no other woman. Nay, I did not intend to kiss you, but neither could I resist the urge. I crave the taste of you, even now, when I know I should not. That night when you lay so close I could have reached for you . . . I thought over and over again of how to break the agreement without incurring the king’s wrath. Because if I could ensure Caxton’s removal any other way, I would do it. I would trade every accolade I’ve earned for the chance to pull you into my arms without holding back. To make you mine, in truth.”

She would not be swayed by his words, no matter how pretty they were.

“You would make love to me,” she finished, wishing the thought did not make her near dizzy.

“Nay, Kathryn. I would make you mine, for life. I would wake up to your smile, tell tales of my wife’s bravery. I would cherish you above all others. I would love you until the end of my days.”

She froze. Had he said . . .

“Love me?”

“Aye,” he said, meeting her gaze and holding it. “And mayhap I am a fool. I’ve not been in love before and know nothing of it beyond what I’ve heard from my brothers and sister. I only know that whenever I look at you, I’m full of longing. I ache to touch your hair, your face, to worship your body, which will never be mine. To hear your thoughts and offer you comfort.”

He stopped.

And Kathryn understood his reluctance to keep speaking. There was no use for it. A hundred, a thousand declarations of love would not be enough.

He was to be wed.

Or his reward would be taken from him.

“The king would risk unrest at the border just to marry you to this woman?”

A woman she did not know but would never like.

“Edward, like his father, is occupied with France. If his coffers are being lined by Caxton above all others . . .” He shrugged. “Scotland is a nuisance to him. The borders, even more so. Had I not asked for the boon, I do believe Caxton would have remained as warden. And everyone along the border would continue to suffer.”

“Save he and the others who benefit from its unrest.”