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He wanted to scream. He wanted to punch Theffield in the throat. He wanted to disagree with her, but she had the right of it. Until she said the words—
“But you are still married! You cannot take the vows while you are wed. If he finds you before—”
“Father Patrick assured me the Benedictine Order allows for a postulant to still be married. Once the annulment is official, I will become a novice. Under the rule of the Church, I will be the property of God, not of my father.”
He opened his mouth to object, but his gentle English lass squeezed his fingers once more and let them go.
“’Tis done.”
As she began to walk back toward the keep, Aidan watched her walk away. He refused to accept such a fate for her. He had already lost her once.
But how could he hope to save both her and the borderlands?
Chapter 10
No one questioned his presence. In fact, everyone seemed as enthralled by Aidan as she was. After a tour of Sutworth, one she was hardly qualified to offer considering how infrequently she’d been here growing up, they stood upon the wall-walk of the southeast tower, looking out at the impressive view and talking. He did not move to hold her hand again, wise given they could be seen, if not heard, by at least one guard. But she almost wished he had done so anyway.
If not for the shadow cast by his impending leave-taking, this would have been the happiest day of her life. He laughed to learn how she’d gotten away from her father to meet him during the tournament, though it had been nothing more than her “using the time to pray,” a practice with which he always approved. She smiled at his memory of their first encounter years before. He claimed to have been drawn to her then, and if she had not felt the same way, Clarissa may not have been inclined to believe him.
Rather than sit at the head table in the hall, on display in front of people she hardly knew, Clarissa asked for their evening meal to be brought to the solar. According to custom, the small, private room was located just off the master bedchamber on the second floor of the keep. Courtesy of its shuttered windows, which had been thrown open upon her arrival, it was one of the best-lit chambers in the manor. Both the solar and master chamber had been freshly scrubbed and prepared for her. She’d thought of asking for another chamber to sleep in instead, but apparently no one thought of the room as her father’s.
But darkness had fallen, and after they finished their repast, it was time for him to leave. For a moment at the meal, she had put aside all but the ease with which they sat side by side, conversing.
“May I return again tomorrow?”
Clara held her breath when they stood. Aidan had come alone, and though he insisted he was quite safe on both Sutworth and Clan Scott land, she knew reivers preferred to ride by moonlight. Emboldened by the current political climate, they grew more active and aggressive each day.
I should say no.
“Aye. I would like that, but won’t your brother be angry?”
They’d talked about what it meant, him being here, and she knew Aidan recognized the dangers. Evidently, his brother thought him foolish.
“He will.”
His gaze, unwavering, did not make her feel uncomfortable. Just the opposite, in fact. She could not look away. She’d noticed his eyes turned more green when he looked at her this way.
Her pulse raced as the implication of his words penetrated. He should not be here and should definitely not return. But he would anyway.
And at that moment, Clarissa never wanted anything more than Aidan de Sowlis to lean over and kiss her. She’d thought of their kiss by the lake on so many lonely nights. Had memory served her well, or would it be disappointing? Somehow she doubted it.
“If you only knew how much I want it too,” he said.
Oh dear! Clarissa had been caught staring at his lips. Rather than deny it, she met his eyes once again and said, “I’ve thought of it so many times. It was my first, and only, kiss.”
His eyes narrowed. “Your husband?”
“Never touched me in that way.”
Though he had poised himself above her, his white skin gleaming in the darkness of their chamber, he’d never kissed her. Never caressed her. She’d not wanted to look down, to look at him, but she had been unable to stop herself.
Clarissa shuddered at the memory.
“What did he do to you?”
She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter.”
He reached out so quickly she hardly had time to react. His hand splayed across her cheek, the soft caress of a lover. Clarissa closed her eyes at the touch, attempting to remember it so she could keep it with her forever.
