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“Aye, at the time it made sense to me.” Sighing, she turned onto her side, facing Allie, and adjusted the coverlet. “But I suppose it was not the best of plans.”
“So why did you really do it?”
“I am afraid.” She could see only the outline of her sister and was glad for it. “I’ve fallen in love with my husband.”
Allie chuckled. “And that is bad?”
“Nay, of course not. But I don’t believe he feels the same way. In fact, I know he does not. When I asked him—”
“I know, you told me of that discussion. But have you considered that he doesn’t know how to give ‘all of himself’? Has he been married before?”
“Of course not.”
“Then maybe Graeme feels much the same way you do.”
“He’s not said so.”
“Well, have you?”
“Nay, but—”
“Gillian, you are the kindest, most patient woman in the world. You’re an amazing sister and will be an even better wife.”
“But?” Her sister had more to say.
“You must stop thinking there’s something wrong with you. Father made us feel that way, but I’ve come to realize Father only pretends to be perfect.” Her sister sat up until the side of her face was swathed in the dim light from the candle. “Just like you and I do for him. You do not have to win your husband’s approval, Gillian. You already have it. The only wrong you could do is to hold back when you want him to do the opposite.”
Silence fell between them for a time.
“Tell him how you feel.”
Finally, Gillian smiled in the dark. “How did you come to be so wise? ’Tis I, the older sister, that should be advising you.”
“As I’m sure you will one day.”
Her sister was right. The time for half measures was over. Gillian would not just tell Graeme why she’d insisted on their forced abstinence. She would tell him that she loved him.
“Do you mind if I sleep in here?” she asked her sister. “I don’t know why Graeme hasn’t returned, but I’d prefer not to sleep in our bed alone. ’Tis so big and empty.”
“Of course I do not mind.” Allie leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. “Good night, Gill.”
“Good night, Allie.”
Gillian closed her eyes, more determined than ever to make things right.
30
“I am leaving for Dunmure to find a new healer.”
Graeme had not thought Gillian would return to their bedchamber before he left, but she’d walked in minutes ago, looking poorly rested. When he’d returned to the bedchamber last night, late enough to ensure Gillian would be sleeping, he had been startled to discover that she was not in their bed. With Fiona now occupying the lady’s chamber, she would not be there either. A few hastily asked questions and tense moments later, he’d learned his wife had been seen entering Allie’s room.
“Oh,” Gillian responded, clearly wanting to ask more. Graeme wanted to offer more.
But he didn’t.
When she opened the door to the wardrobe chamber, he sat on the bed and put his head in his hands.
What the hell am I doing?
