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I think: I know where the walls began.

I think: this is what it means to love someone.

Not the beginning, not the easy part, not the Bali mornings or the Cancun breakfasts or the mountain in Cape Town. This. Standing on the hill above the city that built his walls with my hand in his, knowing more of what built those walls, and not going anywhere.

I hold his hand.

We go home.

— — —

Vienna airport. The lounge before our flight home. Jan has his coffee, I have my tea, the comfortable silence of two people who have spent a good weekend together and don't need to fill it.

At some point I put my cup down.

"Winter holiday," I say.

Jan looks at me.

"We need to decide on one," I say. "We haven't talked about it. And I want to make sure you don't assume, like Christmas, that because we haven't talked about it, we're not doing it together."

He looks at me for a moment. Then: "I wasn't assuming that."

"Good." I pick up my tea. "Just making sure. After the Christmas thing."

"The Christmas thing was just…”

"I know," I say. "We hadn't talked about it. I'm talking about it now." I look at him. "Winter holiday. Together. Where do you want to go?"

He considers this with the Jan seriousness. Outside the lounge window the Vienna afternoon does its thing.

"Somewhere warm," he says.

"Somewhere warm," I agree. I look at him. "What's your top one? Somewhere you haven't been but want to go."

He is quiet for a moment.

"New Zealand," he says.

"Okay," I say. "New Zealand."

He looks at me. "We can't just…”

"Why not."

"It's far. And it would be expensive…”

"Jan." I look at him. "I'm a pilot. You are the head of finance at a pharmaceutical company. I think between us we can manage New Zealand."

"It's still a long flight…”

"I know. I'll research the business class products on the route." I look at him. "I'm not doing Auckland with a central console between us. Not after Bali."

He looks at me. "We were fine in Bali."

"We had a centre console between us for fourteen hours," I say. "I could only hold your hand. I'm not doing that to New Zealand."

“Patrick…”