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We stop at the island in the kitchen, and I put both hands on the smooth granite and inhale deeply through my nose. Turning around, I lean my tailbone against the island and put my hands behind me, resting the heels of them on the counter. The words tumble out of me unexpectedly, and it’s nothing that I practiced at home. “Why did you leave?”

Dare spins on me, and I don’t expect it. “Why did I leave?” he scoffs.

I freeze. I’m slightly confused. My voice is calm, but my heart is pounding in my chest. “Yes, Dare. Why did you leave? I thought . . . the bonfire . . . the date . . . I thought . . . I-I brought you home, and I thought it was . . . it was fucking amazing. And I woke up in the morning, and you . . . you were gone. And I haven’t heard from you for over a week! What the fuck happened?”

Dare rubs his hand down his face, pulling his lips down when his hand hits his chin. His lip ring catches my eye, and I want nothing more than for us to be back to the way things were. I want to feel that ring between my lips, play with it with my tongue, and taste him with the delicious obstruction of the ring between us.

“I freaked out, Lev. Everything was so good, and you’re so . . . you’re so . . .” He gestures up and down the length of my body. “You’re so you, and I’ve wanted—” He takes a deep breath. “I’ve wanted you for so long.” The last part of his sentence catches in his throat. I can only look at him and wait for whatever else he has to say. “And after we . . . after we had sex the night of the bonfire, I got overwhelmed because . . . because you’re Nate’s, not mine.” Tears are pooling in his eyes. “I mean, what right do I have to you?”

I’m stunned. Whatever I thought he was going to say, it wasn’t that. “I’m Nate’s!?” My voice comes out louder than I intend for it to. “What does that even mean?”

He sniffs. “Lev, I’ve been dealing with this for a long time. Clearly a lot longer than you have. This—this—this . . . guilt. This anger.”

“Anger?”

“Yeah, Lev. Anger.” The volume of Dare’s voice also rises, and his cheeks flush a light shade of pink. “I lost everything when Nate died. EVERYTHING.” A tear spills over his lid, creating a trail of sadness down his cheek. “I thought maybe, just maybe the one thing I would still have would be someone who meant something to Nate . . . to me. But you left. YOU left!” He crosses his arms around his midsection, pulling into himself.

“Dare . . .” I reach for him, but he backs away. “I . . . I was hurting,” I say quietly, lowering my arm and fighting to keep my voice steady. “I needed to get out of here—to get away. I was drowning. I was hurting so bad, Darian.” My heart is cracking open, raw and irritated from this all coming back. “I was broken.”

Another tear falls from his eye. He doesn’t bother wiping it away. “But I NEEDED YOU,” he sobs.

Chapter 45

Darian

The minute the words leave my mouth, I regret them. I realize how much pain they carry, and everything starts to collapse around me. I can’t help it, but I crumple, unable to even hold myself up anymore. Without any sort of grace, I slump to the floor, my elbows on my knees and hands over my face, my body trembling. My heart seizes in my chest when Lev drops to the floor beside me, pulling me into him.

He holds me against his chest as I cry. My sobs fill the room, and the harder I cry, the tighter Lev’s hold on me gets. Words come out of his mouth in a whisper, and I have to strain to hear him.

“I’m sorry, Dare. I’m so sorry. It’s okay. Let it out. I’m here. I’ve got you. It’s okay.” His lips brush the side of my head, and he kisses my temple. His hand comes up to stroke my hair. “It hurts. I know it hurts. I’m so sorry.”

Somewhere in the timeline, I wrap my arms around his waist and bury my head in his chest. I don’t even know when that happened. My shirt is wet from my tears, and so is Lev’s.

I’m not even sure how long we stay on the floor, wrapped around each other, but eventually my sobs stop, my breathing starts to even out, and my body stops trembling. Lev doesn’t let go, and he continues pressing soft, light kisses to my temple. He starts slowly rocking us back and forth and gently loosens the hold he has on me, making sure to still keep his arms around me. I gradually get up enough strength to pull away from him and look at him. He uses his thumbs to wipe the residual tears from my cheeks as I sniffle. His cheeks are wet with tears, too, and my heart clenches. I didn’t even realize he was crying along with me. Wordlessly, I reach up and brush my thumbs over the wetness on his skin.

The air is tense, and we just stare at each other for a moment. I want to say something or move, but I’m too fucking exhausted. My limbs are heavy, and although I’m not wrapped around Lev anymore, I am leaning on him.

He inhales a breath. “Come on,” he says, shifting his weight so he can help me stand up.

I follow his lead as he stands, extending his hand for me to take it. He pulls me up into a hug. I hug him back.

We stand for a few minutes in our embrace, and he eventually breaks it to lead us to the couch. Lev sits down, and I crawl on after him. I settle myself with my head in his lap. He strokes my hair, twisting strands between his fingers. We sit in silence for a while, sometimes looking at each other and sometimes not really able to hold that eye contact.

“I’m really sorry for leaving,” I say, finally breaking the silence. “For what it’s worth, that night was amazing, and I . . .” I bite my bottom lip, sucking my lip ring into my mouth. “I’d like to do it again and maybe not leave this time?”

Lev gives me a gorgeous smirk. He sets the palm of his hand over my forehead and rests it there. “I’d like that, too.” He full on smiles at me, and my heart fucking soars. Maybe we’re going to be able to continue this thing we’ve been building after all.

“For what it’s worth,” Lev starts, “when I left for Sheltonville, I didn’t know that I was leaving you.”

I shake my head. “Lev, you don’t have to—”

“I do,” he interrupts, taking one of my hands in his and entwining our fingers. I can tell he’s apprehensive, but he takes a deep breath and says, “Let me get this out.” Then he continues. “I didn’t know that I was leaving you. I knew that your family was dealing with grief for something that’s never supposed to happen. I was spiraling. I was so fucked up that I was drinking and doing some really bad shit, Dare. If I had stayed around here, I might have ended up in the same situation as Nate. I was on a bad path. I had to go.”

“You left two years before you left for Sheltonville,” I say. I know it stings because I can see the pain cross over his face, but it seems like I can’t keep any of this inside anymore. “Once we buried him, you were done. Gone. You guys all did your thing, and I was here, stuck. I was young, so I guess I was hoping you’d still come around. I should have known better.”

I can feel Lev trembling, and he holds my hand more tightly. “I never meant to hurt you, Dare. Never. I liked that we were friends. I never minded you hanging around, and you probably don’t know, but I would give Nate so much shit when he was so mean to you.”

I close my eyes and take a shaky breath. My heart flutters at his words. “I know that. I just . . . I crushed on you so hard, and I was grasping for anything that would anchor me and keep his memory alive. That was you, and when you left, you took that anchor.” One lone tear falls out of the corner of my eye, and he brushes it away gently with his thumb. I continue. “I shouldn’t blame you. I know I shouldn’t. This anger I have is so ridiculous. It’s irrational, I know. But it’s been here for a long time, and I don’t know how to deal with it. You were just another person who walked away.”