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Despite our joking, I’m shocked. Confused. Emotional. “You’re too good for me,” I say, choking back my tears.

Lev shakes his head gently. “Stop. Don’t, okay? You’re amazing, and you deserve to be loved. Let me love you.”

Tears roll down my face, and Lev reaches over, pulling me to him into an embrace. He kisses my forehead and rubs my back, and I cling to him, letting the tears fall in their cleansing way.

I know I don’t deserve him, but I’m going to hold on with everything I have to everything he’s willing to give me. I’ve lost so much, and I know that at this point, there is no way that I’d survive if I lost him, too.

Chapter 52

Levon

Ilove Christmas time. The cold, the weather, the decorations, the smell of cookies, everything.

The weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas always go fast. Business at the shop has picked up significantly, and my days have been extended to accommodate the needs of our patrons. Uncle John has been helpful in giving his time at the shop, working with me. However, I don’t have as much time at home, and I definitely don’t have as much time with Dare.

This weekend, I have plans to decorate my apartment and get a tree, and I made arrangements for Dare to join me. By the time Saturday afternoon rolls around, I’m buzzing with excited energy. I get dressed in warm clothes and put my baseball hat on before grabbing my coat and keys and heading over to Dare’s house.

I pull up into his driveway, and almost like we’re in a fairy tale, it starts to snow. Big, wet flakes fall on my hat and shoulders as I make my way to his front door. I’m met by my beautiful boyfriend as I step onto the front porch of his house. Dare looks fantastic with his black jeans and a heavy olive-green hiking jacket. He has a black beanie perched on the top of his head.

“Hey,” he says, coming outside and closing the door behind him.

“Hey yourself,” I greet him.

I gently push him up against the door and give him a steamy kiss. His lip isn’t swollen anymore, and his eye and cheek are only lightly bruised. He looks rugged and tough, and I have to admit that it does something to me.

“Ready?” I ask when I pull away from his plush, warm lips.

“I am,” he says. “I’m excited for this. We haven’t had a tree, let alone a real tree, for years.”

Something squeezes my heart, realizing that just like Thanksgiving, Dare probably hasn’t had a proper Christmas for a while. I don’t know why I didn’t consider that before now. It just makes me want to remind him exactly how magical Christmas can be.

On the way to the Christmas tree farm, I stop and get us some hot chocolate. Dare is beaming the whole time, and it’s so incredibly cute. As we pull into the parking lot of the farm, Dare leans closer to the windshield and gazes out at the sight. There are twinkling lights strewn from the poles, people in flannel shirts and boots, and a small fire burning by where you pay for the tree once you’ve chosen it. We can hear Christmas music playing through a set of speakers. With the snow falling, it’s truly a winter wonderland.

I get out of the car and meet Dare, and then we both walk toward this little red shed decorated in Christmas lights where they’re selling hot chocolate and snacks from the half-window. We already have our hot drinks, but we walk up to greet the people, and I ask them for a saw.

Dare’s eyes go wide, and he squeezes my hand. “You’re cutting your own tree?” he asks.

Chuckling, I say, “Yeah, of course. You’ve never had a freshly cut tree?”

Dare doesn’t get to answer before the man in the shed hands me a saw. I listen to his instructions about where we can go and what we are permitted to cut. He asks if we want a ride out with the tractor and wagon, and I thank him and accept.

“Come on,” I tell Dare, taking his hand and pulling him into the wagon. I steal a glance at him, and my heart swells. His face is pure wonder and joy, and it might be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

“This is so cool,” he says with a laugh.

I throw my arm around his shoulders and pull him close to me as we ride on the back of the wagon for a short distance into the field where the mature trees are growing. When the tractor driver stops and gives us a few more instructions, we get off of the wagon, and I take Dare’s hand again. Walking around, we look at the trees, trying to find the one that we want to leave with. A few minutes in, I stop and pull Dare behind one of the taller, thicker trees.

Dropping the saw on the ground, I wrap my arms around him and kiss him. Dare responds, sighing into me. I plunge my tongue into his mouth, exploring him as his tongue tangles with mine. His lip ring is cold, and I feel it pressing against my lips. God.

We kiss for a few moments and eventually pull away. Resting my forehead against his, I smile.

“I’m so glad you came with me today,” I tell him, pulling him in for a hug. He comes to me willingly, wrapping his arms around me.

“Thank you for asking me,” he says. The snow and hot chocolate and entire atmosphere are magical. I’m loving the fact that this is special for Dare. It makes me proud that I can give him this. I want to give him everything.

I separate from him and lean down to pick up the saw again. “Now,” I tell him, “let’s find a tree.”

We spend about a half an hour walking around, searching for the perfect tree, and just as I’m about to give up, Dare points to one catacorner from where we are standing.