Page 160

His heart stuttered, and he swallowed again and nodded. “Good night. Love you, ma.” He pushed himself up enough to kiss her on the forehead, then straightened all the way and turned to his dad. “You, too, Dad.”

His father’s gaze seemed to bore right into him, not with anger or disappointment, but with something that might have been concern. Or understanding.

Cass quickly looked away. “Uh, what time are you leaving for work tomorrow?”

“Seven. And there’s no appointments or anything to remember, not until Monday next week.”

With a nod, Cass glanced back up at his dad. As soon as their eyes met, he felt an overwhelming need to apologize. No more words came, however, and all he could do was fake another smile, nod, and say good night again.

As he headed down the hallway, his mom’s words played on repeat in his head.

“If something is bothering you, the best thing to do is talk about it.”

He knew that. He’d told himself that several times today. And over the last few days, too. In fact, he’d been telling himself that ever since the feelings had started to bother him.

He also knew she was right. The worst thing he could do right now would be to keep hiding all the thoughts in his head, especially since they seemed to be getting more destructive, blowing everything out of proportion. And because they involved another person. Another person who was at risk of being very, very hurt if Cass—

He stopped abruptly in the middle of the hallway, one hand pressing into his chest as he sucked in a breath. Pain radiated outward, like his heart was actually breaking.

Ahead of him, the bathroom door was shut, but he could just hear Ash’s soft voice, interrupted by a splash and then a sleepy yet happy giggle from Bri.

God, he didn’t want to lose them. He couldn’t.

But he also couldn’t leave his parents. They needed him. His dad had to work, and Cass had to be home to care for his mom. There was no other option.

And there was another equally important piece, too—one he remembered seeing so clearly when he’d visited Ash in Seattle back in April: Ash loved where he lived. He felt close to his sister there, close to his parents and all the memories he had of them. So, Cass also knew now that he couldn’t ask Ash to move to Redding. That would be selfish and unfair.

Given all of that, how could they talk—how could he tell Ash he loved him and wanted to spend the rest of his life with him, because that was also true—if he couldn’t see a solution to their very real problem?

He screwed his eyes shut as the pain deepened. Behind him, he heard his parents talking, coming closer on the way to their bedroom. He quickly clenched his jaw and tried his best to stuff all of his emotions back down where they belonged. Then he managed to convince his feet to move again, shuttling him forward toward the bathroom to help Ash.

He didn’t know what to do. All he knew was that he was hurting and that it didn’t feel very good.

Grant (Wednesday, June 7, 2023 – 8:44 p.m.): Yo, did you get ur school placement yet? Mei has a friend who just started teaching at a school on Mercer Island last year, and she loves it

Grant (8:46 p.m.): Also I just heard from Enzo from high school. He’s back in town, just graduated from U of Arizona and starting some internship thing at Boeing, asked about u

Grant (8:48 p.m.): When u get back from Cali, we should all get together. Aden and Jules should be back by then too. REUNION TIME!

Chapter Fifty-One

Ash

“. . . ‘So all is well,’ said the cat. And that was that. The end.”

Ash watched, smiling softly, as his boyfriend closed the book, set it on the floor, and then cradled the tired toddler in his arms as he stood. Cass rocked Bri gently, whispered a few words in her ear, and then stepped over to her portable crib and lowered her in.

Bri was asleep nearly as soon as her head hit the pillow, but Cass still took a moment to pull her little blanket up to her shoulders and scoot her precious octopus stuffie closer to her, in case she woke up in the middle of the night and wondered where Ollie was.

When Cass turned around, Ash’s heart skipped a beat. His boyfriend’s kind eyes gazed back at him, so filled with love. He smiled and reached out his hand, and Cass took it without hesitation and then pulled Ash up to his feet. Ash wanted to kiss him right there—he wanted to more than kiss him, if he were being honest with himself. But he held back, knowing he could be patient for a few more minutes so they didn’t wake Bri.

“You’re so good with her,” Ash said quietly. Cass shook his head and dropped his eyes, his cheeks turning an adorable shade of pink. Ash squeezed Cass’s hand. “Come on,” he said. Silently, he led them toward the bedroom door, stooping to grab one of his luggage bags on the way.

“What’s in—”

“Shh, I’ll show you in a minute,” Ash teased.

They continued out the room, leaving the door cracked open a few inches, and then down the hallway to Cass’s bedroom. The house was quiet now, though it wasn’t particularly late, and it felt almost like they were sneaking around in a way they shouldn’t be.