Page 145 of Fall Into Me

“Everything okay?” Cass asked gently.

With a smile that wasn’t entirely sad, he looked over at his boyfriend. “We stopped here, right at this spot,” he explained. Blinking, he glanced at Bri. She wasn’t paying attention at all, which was probably good, because Ash was about ninety percent sure he’d be crying in a moment or two. He bit his lip and continued. “I think we were seven or eight. Ashlynn chose this spot, and she stood right there”—he pointed at the rock—“and . . .”

Sure enough, one tear slipped down his cheek, and then another. Cass moved closer and slipped his arm around Ash’s waist.

And without any words at all, Cass told him everything he needed to know.

He was not alone.

Ash sighed slowly and let himself lean into his boyfriend. “I can still see her. She was so happy. She loved it here so much.” He paused again, and Cass squeezed him gently, encouraging him to keep going. He dropped his chin. “You know, I was worried for a while that I’d lose her completely. That I’d forget her voice and her face and—and her. But I have pieces of her in so many memories, and now—” He sucked in a breath. “Now that I’m able to let myself think about her, I can relive those memories . . . I haven’t lost her. I won’t forget.”

There was so much more he wanted to say.

He wanted to thank Cass—because it was actually Cass who’d given him that space, very early on, to talk freely about Ashlynn. Cass had just been there any time Ash had needed it, listening, supporting him as he worked his way through that part of the grieving process.

He wanted to tell Bri all about her mom and what an amazing person she’d been—smart and kind and loving, free-spirited and bold. All of those things he saw and loved so much in Bri.

And he wanted to keep reliving this one specific memory, his memory of that day with his whole family on this very mountain in this very spot.

But he thought maybe all of that would be too much right now. There would be time for it next time. They could come here again, and when Bri was old enough, he could show her this spot, tell her how her mom sat right where Bri was sitting now, gazing out at the lake.

It really was the most beautiful spot in the world, he thought. And he suddenly felt connected to his sister here in a way he hadn’t anywhere else since she’d passed.

“Hey, Bri, sweet girl,” he said. She turned to him with her big, gorgeous blue eyes that looked so, so much like her mother’s. “Hey, can you come here and sit with me and Cass for a minute?”

“Oh, yes, yes, sure,” she said, and she took a moment to set down the last of her rocks in the line on the tree root. Then she crawled over into Ash’s lap and snuggled right up against his chest.

With a smile, he hugged her close and shut his eyes, tilting his head to rest against Cass’s. Lips brushed his temple as Cass’s arms tightened around him. And just like the night before, he felt surrounded by a deep warmth and so much love.

He sighed and looked out through the trees toward the lake again.

“This has to be the most beautiful place in the world,” he said.

Cass squeezed him gently, and Bri lifted her eyes and said, “Yes! So pretty water! See!” She pointed out to the lake, which made Ash smile again.

“I see, sweet girl. I see.”

Dad (Friday, April 21, 2023 – 7:02 p.m.): Your mother wanted me to tell you I don’t do her makeup as well as you